When It Rains, It Really Pours
by JesterJessica
Summary: "I loved him, Dally!" Bria confesses her love for Johnny, and Dally makes her finally talk about all the pain and harm she's been doing since his death. Will this pain ever go away? Bria reminisces about all her memories, good and bad, with the gang and Johnny. Post book. Dally is alive. Rated T for language and angst. Contains alcohol abuse and self-harm. Trigger warning.
1. Bria and Dally

**This is my first story here, so please, reviews are very welcome!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any characters from S.E Hinton's novel.**

 **Chapter 1**

"Dammit Bria, you need to stop being such a friggin' mess!"

I rolled my eyes and scoffed,

"A mess telling someone else not to be a friggin' mess? Give me a break."

"I'll break your arm in a minute if you don't shut up and listen to me!"

I shut my mouth, because I knew that Dallas Winston wouldn't back out on a threat like that. He had no trouble hitting someone, although maybe it was different with girls. I  
wasn't sure if he had ever hit a girl before, much less someone like me, one of the gang, but hey... I didn't want to risk it. He huffed and took a long drag off of a cigarette before saying anything, and as soon as he lowered the smoke, I grabbed it from his fingers and closed my eyes while I took a long drag myself.

" _Sure_ ," Dally said sarcastically, "have that one..."

He grunted and lit another cigarette, and then started talking.

"Look Bria, I know the lot of us, all us Greasers, we're rough, I know. We ain't got nothin' to be proud of, ain't got a hope in the world for anything being fair... but jeezus Bria, we have _each other_. Even an insensitive ass like me can figure that out!"

"What are you tryin' to say, Dally?!" I said, frustrated.

We had been playing pool. Dally was winning. I wasn't on my game. Never was; I couldn't concentrate. Dally, he doesn't do well with quiet, so when I stopped talking like I'd been doing a lot lately, Dally got mad. We both knew what I was thinking about. All of the guys had their own talks with eachother when he had died... I had avoided every single situation I could. No one knew how I felt, but Dally was trying to beat it out of me, I knew it.

"What I'm tryin' to say is stop being such an idiot! _Look_ at you!"

When I stopped talking and Dally got mad at me, I told him we'd have to leave if he wanted to get anything else out of me. I don't like fighting about personal matters in public, it makes me feel weak. Dally and I walked back to the Curtis house. Dally usually hopped around from place to place, and I didn't want to go to my house since my dad would be home and he would probably call me a derogatory name if I walked in the door with a guy. It wouldn't matter if we had only been picking tulips for Christ's sake, my dad took everything the wrong way, and took it all out on me. When mom died, dad began to hate the world and all that was in it, including me.

The Curtis door was always open, especially to us, even though no one was home at the time. Darry was like my older brother. He came across as cold and strict to a lot of people, but I think he had a soft spot for me because I was the girl of the gang. Everyone took to me real quick, which always surprised me. I wasn't anything special. The only reason I even knew any of them was because of him; because we had become friends by an accident, and it carried on into this family that we had created with each other. Johnny...

I didn't need to look at myself to know exactly how I appeared. My hair was thrown up in a messy bun, and I had my light pink bandana wrapped around, headband-style. I had hoop earrings, and my makeup was a bit heavy since I was so tired all the time. I didn't sleep much nowadays. I was wearing a white wife-beater, and a pair of rather short jean shorts. There was a yellow bandana tied around my arm a couple of times, right above my wrist. I had seen each member of the gang stare at it suspiciously a few times, because they all assumed what was hiding underneath it... My tiny arms hung at my sides, and my waifish hands rested in my lap, holding the cigarette. My bony knees were together, and I could see the floor beneath me through the gap in my thighs. There were too many bruises to count.

"Look at you," Dally repeated, "chain smokin', you drink all the time, you don't give a shit about anything, you don't sleep, you let people walk all over you, you don't _eat_! Look at how goddamn skinny you are, Bria, Jesus!"

"I'm not that skinny..." I said nonchalantly, taking another drag off the smoke.

Dally pointed an accusing finger at me and frowned with narrow dark eyes,

"I bet you any friggin' money you're down 20 pounds."

"Since when?!" I said angrily.

"You _know_ when."

I looked away, avoiding the subject again. Dally was making me angry. I didn't see why he gave such a damn when he did a lot of the same stuff I was doing.

"What do you care?" I said, "It's not like you don't do any of this stuff."

"Oh, we all know I do it all too, alright? Smoke, drink, whatever, but I _do_ eat, and I know when shit start's to get dangerous, alright?! You're a damn _mess_!"

I stood up then and stormed into the kitchen and grabbed the first thing I could see. It was a chocolate muffin, which didn't surprise me since all three Curtis boys were obsessed with chocolate, and I took a bite out of it.

"There?!" I said once I had swallowed, "I'm eating, Dal! Feel better now?!"

"No I don't!"

He had followed me in and was pointing his finger at me again. He was shouting, and part of me started getting a little scared. He was _very_ angry with me; I could see it in his eyes. It was a look all of us greasers knew well after getting to know Dallas and his temper.

"You need to talk about this, Bria."

"I don't need to talk about _shit_!" I said, and in my rage I threw the rest of the muffin at Dally.

He dodged the muffin and charged at me, grabbing my wrist and holding on tight. I groaned in pain, but still struggled to break free. Dally had backed me into the corner of kitchen counter and then he let go of me.

"Bria, look, we _all_ felt like this too, okay? But _come on_! Get yourself together."

I was going into panic mode. He was forcing me into the subject I wanted with all my existence just to forget. He was forcing me into facing the real reason why I drank so much, and was so rough with myself, and smoked, and didn't eat, and didn't give a shit about anything in the world anymore. Tears prickled in my eyes, but I didn't want Dallas Winston to see me cry, even though he already had before plenty of times. I groaned loudly again.

"Dally, let me out!"

"No, not until you start talking!"

I burst.

"What do you want me to say, Dally?!" My voice cracked as I shouted. "You _know_ why I'm like this... Why do you have to make me say it?!"

"Bria-"

He tried to talk, but I interrupted him as my panic reached its peak.

"I just can't do it, Dally! I can't _do_ it without him, I couldn't _cope_! So now all _this_ -" I dropped my hands at my side to showcase myself, "is how I cope! It just hurts too much!"

"You think we're not hurting either?!" Dally shouted back; clearly angry at my last statement, "Johnny was everyone's kid brother, and you know it!"

"It's not the same..." I said, my eyes watering again as I fought with everything to keep them in, "It's just not the same, Dally, you don't understand..."

"I don't understand?! I understand that you're tryin' to tell me that I don't feel the same way you do?! Jesus Christ, Bria, what do you think he was to us?! I _understand_ that you're little behind is tryin' to tell me that I just don't understand how much it hurts knowin' one of our best friends is _dead_!"

When those words came out of his mouth, I started crying. My hands went up to my face so I could hide myself from Dally. I was ashamed, devastated at every reminder, heartbroken, just... done. Dally went silent as I let out a few sobs, then caught my breath and said quietly,

"I miss him so much Dally, I just... he was just so..."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. My heart felt like it was about to explode, and I began shouting at Dally again,

"You don't understand Dally!" I said, "I loved him!"

He slammed his fist down on the counter, and I flinched.

"You think I didn't love him too?! I cared about that kid more than anything, dammit! I woulda ran to hell and back for him, I loved him too! We all loved him, Bria!"

"I know! I _know_!" I cried, "I know you all loved him too, but that's not what I mean, Dally!"

My crying was frustrating Dally, and he ran his hand through his hair and groaned,

"What the hell do you mean, then?!"

"Dally, I _loved_ him!"

I had cried with such pain and sadness that Dally actually turned silent. He stared at me with narrowed eyes, but made no move or sound.

"I loved him, Dally... like... I really, really loved him, _loved_ him!"

Dally's continuous silence proved that he now understood what I meant. Love was another feeling that Dallas Winston never really completely understood, but when it came to his friends he knew enough to realize how much I was hurting now.

"I never even..." I sniffed and wiped my nose with my hand, "N-never even got to... to even _tell_ him, Dally! I mean, I _wanted_ to, but I was just too scared! When all of this blew over, then I was gonna tell him, I mean, I never thought that he'd actually..."

I had to stop and sob again.

"Bria..." I felt Dally reach out and touch my arm, "Bri... I betchya he knew."

"You're just saying that!" I said angrily.

"No, I'm serious! We all saw the way he was with you! You guys always hung out together when everyone else was busy, you two coulda spent hours talking together about anything in the world! You think he had that with any of _us_?"

My heart was on fire. I missed him too much. Couldn't they all see that it was all just pointless now? Couldn't they all just understand that I didn't care anymore? The boy I loved was _dead_... what the hell did I need to care about? It all seemed so unreal… how could this have happened?

I remember the day I met him just like it was yesterday…

 **Hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter! I'll upload new chapters as soon as possible. Please review if you can! :)**


	2. Meeting the Greasers

**Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. This one is a tad longer, but I hope you keep reading!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any characters from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

It was the middle of May, you know that time when most of the cold is gone, but you can still get pretty damn cold in the evenings? My dad and I had just had another fight, and he had pushed and shoved me right out the front door into the chilly evening with no coat and leaving me with a bruised cheek. My dad wasn't always like this, only after my mom died and he took refuge in alcohol. What a bastard. He was always finding something to holler at me about, and sometimes it was just easier to take it. I turned away from our house fuming with anger, and embarrassed because my eyes were welling with tears, and I hated crying. It was a good thing I had been wearing my sneakers inside, at least I had something on my feet even if I had nothing else but a tank top and jeans on. I walked to the end of the driveway and sat down on the curb. I had already begun shivering since I was pretty thin. My cheek ached, and when I reached up to touch the bruise I winced in pain. A tear fell from my eye the moment I made a sound, and it was at that moment that I heard his voice for the first time.

"Hey… you alright?"

I was mortified that someone was seeing me this way, but when I looked up and saw his puppy dog eyes for the first time I somehow didn't feel so… alone. I nodded my head and wiped my face angrily.

"Yeah, I'm fine… just, you know…" I nodded back towards my house, "fight."

"With your old man?"

"Yeah…"

"Well shoot… I know how that is…"

I smiled weakly. I looked back down at the ground and rubbed my cheek again while this boy stood and began to awkwardly kick the edge of the curb. After a few moments he said,

"My name's Johnny Cade."

I looked back up to him and said,

"I'm Bria."

"I've never seen you around here before."

"We just moved into town a couple of weeks ago." I said, "I haven't been out much."

"Oh."

He sat down next to me on the curb then, and I looked at him through the corner of my eye and saw his tanned skin and jet black hair that was greased back. He had on a pair of jeans and black converse, and a rundown jean jacket that didn't seem to be keeping him any warm. He had a purple bruise near his mouth, and I wondered if that's what he meant when he had said 'I know how that is'…

"Did your old man do that to you?" I asked, pointing at his cheek.

It took him a while before he answered, but eventually he nodded, and a part of me knotted up inside. He said,

"Yeah… he did. Kind of a normal thing in my house."

There was almost a laugh in his voice, and the unreasonableness of it all was making me cross.

"You get along with your parents at _all_?" I asked.

"Not one bit… heck, if I ran away and never came back it would probably take years before they'd even notice, if they ever would at all."

"I'm sorry, Johnny… that's really shit."

He shrugged his shoulders a bit and looked away in what I felt was embarrassment. What an odd scenario. Two sad and lonely kids just sitting alone, freezing on the curb, with nowhere to be. I began to shiver something fierce, and Johnny said,

"You're gonna freeze to death soon, you should go back inside."

"No way, man, I ain't going back in there." I said angrily.

"Well do you have anywhere to go, anyone's house?"

"No friends, Johnny. I'm a loser."

Quickly he smiled, stood up, and helped me up off the ground while explaining to me,

"Well come with me then!" He said, "I know a whole bunch of losers, you can come and hang out with us!"

"Oh… I'm honoured! Being invited to hang out with the loser club!" I said sarcastically.

That was the first time I had met Johnny Cade, and the first time I had been introduced to all of the gang. We walked a few blocks and came to a little white house on a corner.

"Right here," Johnny said, "the whole gang should be here by now."

I followed him up the porch steps and he opened the door and walked in. The sound of music from a radio, and raucous laughter came from inside. Everyone saw Johnny come in, and they all cheered and said their hellos, but as soon as they saw me, one of them said,

"Well lookie here, what is this Johnny? Bringin home girls now?"

"Aw, shut up Two-Bit, it ain't like that." Johnny said, a little embarrassed, "I was just walkin over here and she was sittin alone on the curb, figured she'd like some company, that's all. Don't worry, she's cool… right Bri?"

I had been too busy looking at the people in the room; the one who taunted Johnny named Two-Bit who was drinking a beer and wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt, a real handsome guy playing cards with another burly, rough looking boy. In the corner there was an intense looking guy sitting on a chair with his feet up on the table, and smoking a cigarette. He was the one who spoke next,

"Bri?" He asked me.

"Bria." I said.

"You ain't from the west side, are ya?"

"Heck no!"

They all laughed when I said that, and began to spew out mutual hatred for these so called 'Socs' of the west side. I had heard about them, and I knew they didn't much care for our side of town at all. Another boy, the youngest looking (probably about my age) came into the living room. Johnny went to him right away and I heard him ask,

"Hey, where's Darry?"

"He's in the kitchen… why, what's up?"

Johnny didn't bother answering him, and went straight into the kitchen himself. The one Johnny had just been talking to came over to me and said,

"Well come on in, sit down." He said, "Hey, are you okay?"

He had noticed the bruise on my cheek. When everyone heard that remark they all turned and noticed too, and started asking me questions,

"You alright?"

"Hey, who did that to ya?"

"Did the Socs get ya?"

I was embarrassed and didn't want to tell the people I had just met that it was my father who had done this to me. My words came out flustered and slightly panicked,

"No, no, it's fine, it's alright, really, I just… It was just… I mean-"

Johnny came back from the kitchen and behind him there was a man, a bit older than the rest.

"Hey settle down, you idiots." He said, "Don't wanna scare her off."

They all laughed and carried on their business and this guy, Darry, came over to me.

"Hi, I'm Darry. Ponyboy and Sodapop's brother."

"Ponyboy and…?"

He pointed around the room and introduced everyone,

"That's Soda and Pony." He said pointing to the handsome one and the younger one. "Mickey Mouse over there is Two-Bit, Steve's playing cards with Soda, and that there is Dally."

The tough guy at the table took his cigarette from his lips and nodded to me. Darry turned back to me then and said quietly,

"You want some ice for that?"

I knew he was referring to the bruise on my face, and I suddenly realized what Johnny had done when we came in. He had gone to get Darry to ask for help. Johnny came over and said quickly,

"Sorry Bria if you didn't want anyone to know."

I knew his embarrassment. If his parents beat him he knew what it was like to come up with excuses or find different reasons for the bruises your parents gave you. Telling someone was just as embarrassing though. Like I said, sometimes it was just better to take it. I felt touched that he had asked in secret and not made a big fuss.

"No, no… it's alright…" I smiled at him.

"Come on, I'll get ya fixed. I fix a lot of bruises around here with these goons."

"Hey, you love us, Darry!" Yelled Two-Bit.

"Yeah, like I love a fist in the face." He said sarcastically with a smirk.

I laughed and followed Darry into the kitchen as Dally yelled from the other room,

"Hey, I can give you one of those!"

I sat down at a chair at their kitchen table. He got out a towel and put some ice in it from the freezer and held it to my cheek.

"Johnny told me you were in a fight with your dad?"

I nodded,

"Yeah… sorry if I'm causing you trouble."

"No no, that's too bad… sorry your old man is like that."

I didn't really know how to respond, so I just stayed quiet and held the towel to my cheek as Darry poured me a glass of chocolate milk. Soon his brothers, Ponyboy and Sodapop came in the kitchen and asked,

"Hey, everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." Darry said.

"Sorry if we scared ya away," Sodapop smiled, "We're a lot to take in all together."

I shook my head and laughed,

"Nah, I think you guys are great!"

"Well whaddya know, Darry?" Ponyboy said, "We're just a bunch'a great old goons!"

Ponyboy began to roughhouse with Darry, and Sodapop came and sat beside me,

"Hey listen, you need anywhere to stay tonight, you can stay here if you want, I mean if going home to your old man is a bad idea."

"Thanks, but I'll be fine." I said, hating that I had to say it.

He gave me a long serious look before snapping back to his smiling self and he said,

"Hey, you know how to play poker?"

"Yeah!"

I spent the rest of that night playing cards and chatting with these boys, the Greasers, and before I went home Ponyboy and Johnny said they were going to see a movie at the Drive In with Dally tomorrow and asked if I wanted to come. I said yes, and the next day we hung out again, and the next day and the next. Not too long after that I was a regular at the Curtis house, and the boys had begun to think of me as one of their own. They were anything but losers to me… they were my whole world. Everyone seems to think all the Greasers are tough and cold, but with us it was the opposite. Sure, we had our moments when things got rough, and we had bad days like everyone else, but after meeting them, they helped me be a better person. I smiled more, and was nice to people, and I noticed things more. Little things like animals, or sunsets, or music would make me smile… I got a lot of that from Ponyboy and Johnny though. I laughed more with them, and we were all so close it was like we were a family. We all had eachothers backs. I spent my time with each of them in tow, and got to know them all better. They even gave me a nickname; Bee. It wasn't anything exceptional, but when people like you enough to give you a nickname, it makes you feel pretty special sometimes, and I loved it. It all came together so quickly… and just like that, I had become one of their own.

 **Hope you guys liked chapter two! Chapter 3 will come soon, I promise. : ) Please, review if you can, I'd greatly appreciate it!**


	3. Remembering

**Sorry this chapter is really, really short, but the next two will totally make up for it. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders, or any characters from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

I knew that Dally was right in a way, but it didn't make me feel any better. There were many times when Johnny and I would hang out together without anyone else, and I always thought it was something special we had. Although having never told him how I really felt would mean I would always be in the dark about it. Did he have a crush on me too? Did he think about the time we spent together to take away the sadness when he was alone at night and his parents were fighting?

"Dal…" I said, my voice becoming shaky and hoarse from crying and shouting. "Dal, I never told him. He never knew, I never even held his hand, or tried to kiss him, I was always too scared, but then-"

I had to take a moment before speaking again,

"But then I was _ready_ , I wanted to tell him, I wanted to… and now it's all over!"

I had always wondered whether Johnny had feelings for me, but of course I had never asked. Now I regretted more than anything letting that fear get in my way. Now I would never know… he would never know. What if he would have been glad? If I had just _told_ him maybe his last days could have been happier. But no, of course not... the one night I had decided to go home had me wound up in a terrible fight with my father. It wasn't until early in the morning when they came to my place and told me all that had happened.

"I just can't forget anything, Dally…" I said, literally grabbing my head because it felt like it would explode from this agony any moment, "I can't forget everything, it won't go away!"

I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't sure what I was trying to say, but there was too much going on in my head, and it was all spilling out at once. Different moments I could remember, different events, conversations… they all came out in a rambling of memories, and Dally couldn't think of anything to do. Taking about this sort of stuff… love, feelings, emotion… it was something I would never have thought to talk to Dally about; he just isn't great with talking about emotions. Yet here he was fighting to get mine out of me. It was the kind of thing I would have talked to Ponyboy about, if I had known where he was at this moment. Dally could think of nothing to do except stand there and watch me slowly fall apart the more I remembered.

I awkwardly let out a short burst of laughter, mixed with a cry as I randomly remembered a wonderful night. Dally was giving me a strange look, but he heard that bit of laughter through my tears, so he asked,

"What's so funny?"

I wiped my eyes and let out another small laugh. Oh, it had been such a fantastic night, it feels like it was forever ago.

"You remember the Halloween party?"

"What, the one last year?" Dally asked, "Yeah, sure, I remember."

There was a hint of laughter in his voice as he too recalled that night. It was nearly 9 months ago now, but at the time I had been friends with all of the boys for months and we had all grown very close. I had gotten a chance to know each of the greasers in their own light, and I loved them all dearly. Whether Two-Bit and I were just walking around while he spit out one joke after another, or if Soda and Steve and I played cards for hours, or the times when Darry was home from work at night and sometimes we'd watch movies together (even though he wasn't really one for movies, but every once in a while I could convince him to sit down with me for one).

I spent most of my time with Johnny, Ponyboy, and Dally, doing anything and everything to pass the time. I had grown closest to the three of them, but Johnny and I always had a special connection since he had been the one who found me that day. As time went on, I knew that I was developing feelings for Johnny, but I was too scared to ever let that secret out. It was too fragile of a thing… too sacred of a friendship to risk with something as uncertain as love. I was a tough Greaser, after all, and I needed to keep my walls up all the time to protect me from the Socs, as well as myself.

Throughout the five months I had known the boys they had gotten to know my quirks and my likes and dislikes, and one of my likes was most definitely Halloween.

"Ha, you remember what Two-Bit came dressed up as?" Dally said.

Again I half laughed, half cried remembering. My mind drifted back to that time that I would have given anything in the world to go back to now. I thought I had troubles then, but I had no idea what was in store. Remembering brought me peace and pain all at once.

"Hey Dal, you remember when…"

 **So sorry this is so short, but really, the next two chapters will make up for it (and I mean it, they'll be nearly twice as long, so I hope you guys look forward to that!). I'll do my very best to post the next chapter tomorrow, but no promises (unfortunately). If not tomorrow, it'll be in the next few days. Keep sending reviews, I'm loving them! All criticism welcome. :)**


	4. Halloween Party Part 1

**Get ready guys, these next two chapters are pretty lengthy, but I hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any characters from S.E Hinton's novel. Nor do I own the lyrics to the Elvis Presley song 'When It Rains, It Really Pours'.**

It was almost Halloween, and I had convinced the Curtis brothers to throw a Halloween party at their house. Things had been pretty rough recently between the Socs and the Greasers. There had been a plethora of stories about Greasers being jumped without any provocation. It pissed me off, and it was making everyone feel down, so I felt responsible to lighten the mood. I wanted everyone to have some _fun_ again. The Greasers usually only thought of Halloween as an excuse to stay inside and throw some kind of shindig. No way were they going out to the streets with people in masks. Too much risk; anyone could be lurking around waiting to jump you. Sometimes Dally would spend the time at Buck Merril's place and people would show up in costumes, but Dally never dressed up. I asked Darry for permission, and Soda thought it was a great idea.

"Fantastic, I can finally wear nothing but my underpants and call myself a model!"

I laughed heartily, but Darry playfully hit him on the head.

"Yeah alright, pretty boy."

"Wear a costume?" Said Ponyboy, "That could be fun… but what could I be?"

"A cowboy, you idiot!" Said Soda.

"No, no, no… I'll be the cowboy." Two-Bit piped in, "And Pony, you can be my horse!"

"Oh yeah, right!" Pony said sarcastically.

"Aw come on, sport, it's time you started living up to your name!"

Dally and Johnny walked into the Curtis house. We could hear the door slam from the kitchen, and Dally shout out,

"Hello, hello, anybody home?"

We all called back to them and they came to join us in the kitchen.

"Hey, what are we all talking about?" Johnny asked.

"Bria wants us to throw a Halloween party."

"Oh, great!" Johnny said, smiling. "What will you dress up as?"

"No idea." I admitted, "But this is gonna be great, guys. And I'm tellin' ya, NO ONE is allowed in unless they're wearing a costume!"

Dally held up his hands then and he huffed,

"Yeah right, I am _not_ wearing a costume."

"You _have_ to, Dally!" I protested, "I won't let you in if you don't."

"Is this your house?" He said jokingly, "And besides, I'd like to see you try."

"Come on Dally, what's the matter?" I said, standing up and walking over towards Johnny who was leaning against the kitchen counter. "Afraid it'll hurt your _ego_?"

"Halloween is _stupid_ , man." He said, "Everyone looking like a bunch of idiots in costumes."

"Ohhh man!" Soda said, suddenly excited, "We're getting a ton of chocolate for this, right?"

"Yeah!" Pony agreed wholeheartedly.

"I'll pick some up after work soon, don't worry, I got it covered." Darry said.

"And I'll bring the booze!" Two-Bit winked.

"Now _that_ , I can help with." Dally said.

They all began carrying on about silly costume ideas and who would bring what. Johnny looked at me and asked,

"So what are you gonna be?"

"I don't _know_!" I laughed, "Hey Pony, wanna come and find a costume with me?"

"Yeah alright."

He stood up and began to walk out of the kitchen towards the door, and I jumped down from the counter grabbing Johnny's hand and pulling him along with me.

"Come on, Johnny, let's go!"

And off we went. We fooled around in the department store for a while trying on goofy hats and wigs and accessories. In the end Ponyboy did end up dressing like a cowboy. Johnny and I were making fun of him, but he kept telling us that it was because of a Paul Newman movie that he was being a cowboy, not because of his name. I was fooling around trying on different things when an Elvis song came over the sound system in the store. Immediately I lost it and practically squealed. Although I was a pretty tough greaser girl, I was a sucker for the King. The Greasers made fun of me for it because they all thought that Elvis was out, but I didn't care. Two-Bit had Mickey Mouse; that was his thing… Elvis was mine. I started singing along to Don't Be Cruel and as I went I picked up different things to dress up as.

"Tadaa!" I said, coming out of the dressing room in a simple yellow and black striped shirt, a black skirt, and antennae on my head.

"That's great, Bee!" Ponyboy laughed. "You're the one who's living up to your name!"

"Yeah!" I said with a twirl, "This is great!"

I was dancing around like an idiot and enjoying every minute of it. Johnny wasn't sure he had enough money on him to buy a Halloween costume at the moment, but Pony and I bought our clothes and we went on our way. A few days later it was the day itself, Halloween, and everyone was actually pretty excited for the party. Darry, Pony, and Sodapop were all getting changed into their costumes, whereas I had already changed into mine once I made it to the house that morning. All day I was going around the house putting up streamers and cheap decorations, and I put out a punch bowl and filled it with lemonade. I had filled a rubber glove with water earlier and put it in the freezer, and now I took it out and placed it in the bowl.

"Ahaha, brilliant!" I said, proud of my idea.

The ice hand now floated eerily above the liquid. Ponyboy was the first one to come downstairs after changing. He posed in the doorway of the livingroom with his cowboy hat pulled low over his eyes. He looked up at me with his thumbs hooked in his belt loops and he said,

"Well hey there, doll."

I laughed and jumped up excitedly,

"You look great Pony!"

Soda came downstairs next and he was dressed up as a vampire. He had a big black cape that he had draped over his face, and he removed it to reveal his red blood stained lips and fake teeth. He snarled when he came in.

"Soda, that's fantastic!" I said.

"Yeah, you look great!" Pony added.

"Bee, you look too adorable!" He laughed upon seeing my costume, then he turned to Pony and said, "Aha, I told you you'd end up being a cowboy, Ponyboy!"

Pony rolled his eyes,

"Yeah, whatever…" He muttered.

When Darry walked into the livingroom dressed up like Superman, we all cheered. It was a running joke with the gang that we all called Darry Superman, and now that he had taken pride in the joke and dressed up like Superman just made the whole thing ever better. I was glad that he wasn't afraid to dress up and be silly with us. He brought out a huge bowl full of candy and little chocolate bars and put in on the coffee table. Soon Steve, Two-Bit and Dally arrived, and I ran to the door to make sure they were all wearing costumes. Steve lumbered in first with his clothes torn and his face all done up like a zombie. He pretended to grab onto to me and try to bite me when he got in the door, and I shoved him off laughing,

"Hey, quit it Steve!"

It was the moment Two-Bit walked in that really took the cake. He came waltzing up the front steps and into the door dressed from head to toe completely like a Soc. He had on fancy shoes, a button up shirt, and a sweater over top of it. His pants were beige and they didn't quite make it to his ankles ('waiting for a flood' as Two-Bit usually described it). His hair was even done up without all the grease. It was too much; he had captured the look of those goofy Madras wearing Socs just perfectly. Of course it wouldn't be Two-Bit without full on mocking them, so he walked in saying,

"Well, well, well what do we have here? A bunch of white trash Greasers, huh?"

We were all keeled over laughing. He made his voice sound nasally and annoying.

"Well man, aren't you guys so cool! Golly, I sure do look like an _idiot_ in these clothes!"

He laughed heartily at his own comedy and walked in throwing his hands up as Soda threw him a can of beer. Immediately he noticed the ice hand floating in the lemonade and he thought that was just fantastic.

"Hey look at that!" He pointed, "Bee, did you do that?!"

"Yup!" I said proudly, "I knew you'd get a kick outta that, Two-Bit."

Dally was still on the porch, laughing from the outside as Two-Bit had walked in. Quickly I looked out and noticed that he only had a mask on his face, nothing else. I closed the door and stood in front of it.

"Sorry!" I said, "No costume means you're not allowed in!"

"Hey cut it out Bee, let me in!" He said, pounding on the door.

"You knew the rules, Dallas Winston!" I said, fighting back a laugh.

"I'll bust the door down," He said, "and flatten you with it if you don't let me in."

Of course I moved and opened the door for him. His mask looked like a Jack-O-Lantern, but as soon as he stepped in the door he took it off and threw it on the ground muttered 'so _stupid_ ' under his breath.

"Aww Dallas, you made an effort, how _sweet_!" I laughed, hugging him, "Of course I was gonna let ya in Dal."

I didn't want to sound too obvious when I asked, but I looked around noticing that Johnny wasn't with him and they were supposed to all come together. I cleared my throat and said,

"Hey, where's Johnny?"

"Ah, he's comin, he's comin." He said, waving me off. "Hey Soda, throw me one of those will ya?"

Soda threw Dally a beer and he opened it and took a long swig. I had only ever had a few beers in my life… usually ones that I stole from my dad. He had so much and was usually halfway in the bag anyway that he never noticed a beer missing here or there. I had never been drunk, though. In the corner of the room I went to fool around with the stereo and start playing some music, and when I turned back around I saw a white figure hunched over me, and it uttered the single word,

"BOO!"

I nearly jumped outta my skin. Everyone was laughing, and Johnny pulled the ghost costume over his head and said,

"Haha, surprise, Bee!"

"Geez Johnny, you scared me half to death!" We laughed and I hugged him, "Apart from almost giving me a heart attack, you look great Johnny!"

When we turned back around, we caught Two-Bit pouring whiskey into the lemonade from a mickey he had brought.

"Hey!" I said, pointing, "What are you doing?!"

"Making this lemonade a little more exciting." He winked.

Darry didn't seem too happy about that, but he warned Two-Bit that if he got rip roaring drunk and threw up on his carpet his face would see the curb. Two-Bit laughed and said he would be fine, and so Darry let it slide and even had a glass himself. The night was officially on, and everyone seemed really happy to be there. The music was playing, the beer was flowing, and the laughter was contagious. Soda and Steve had a poker game going and Johnny and Pony joined in and everyone was betting with chocolate bars or cancer sticks. Even Darry joined in on the game and gloated when he won the jackpot. It was so nice seeing him that way; like he was actually acting his age for once. As the night went on Two-Bit, Steve, and Dally were all becoming more intoxicated, but it only made them even more fun. They weren't at the level of intoxication where it would turn you into a monster… the kind of intoxication my dad was so well known for. In the midst of all the noise I heard Elvis coming through the radio, and I jumped up into the middle of the room fully excited,

"Oh guys listen, it's _Elvis_!"

Away I went in the middle of the livingroom twirling around and holding out an empty beer can like it was my microphone, and I shook it like the King while I sang along to Heartbreak Hotel. Everyone was laughing. Steve looked at me and said,

"Damn, how much you had to drink Bee? You're crazy!"

I turned to Steve and said,

"None! I haven't even had any!"

I tossed him the empty beer can that I was singing into, and he dropped in on the table with their growing collection. Dally was sitting on the couch by himself, and he grabbed a deck of cards and placed them next to him. He waved me over,

"Hey, let's fix that!"

I went over and sat down on the couch next to him, and he took a beer and handed it to me. It was a tall can, and I opened it and held it to my nose. The smell was yeasty and bitter and crisp. I took a mouthful, suddenly feeling a little twinge of guilt, but kind of excited at the same time. If I was going to get drunk for the first time with anyone, it wouldn't be anyone else but these guys. I looked at Dally and smirked,

"So what are we playing?"

"Little drinking game." He said with a wink, "You've gotta catch up."

"Be careful now, Dally, come on." Darry said.

He was hesitant because Ponyboy was 14 and I was 15, and he didn't really think that we should be drinking at all. He was in a very good mood however, so he gave a small smile said,

"Don't put her on the floor, Dal. Keep an eye out."

"Darry, let me have a few beers, come on." Ponyboy said, "I won't go crazy."

"Well alright," Darry said, "but be careful! You don't want a damn hangover."

Pony came and sat next to us and watched as Dally explained the rules of the game. It was just some silly drinking game that was designed for you to end up drinking a whole lot really fast, and soon I felt my fingertips and my lips tingling. When I remarked on this, Dally laughed and said,

"Ahh, that means you're getting there!"

We played a little more, and I knew that after each beer I felt a little looser, a little more buzzed. Once I hit my sixth beer I knew I was well on my way. I had gotten up from the couch and started dancing again. Soda, Steve, and Two-Bit were dancing too. We were all just being silly, but I was having a ball. Soda took my hand and we spun around together to Rock Around The Clock. I was laughing; always laughing. Two-Bit thought this was hilarious, having been drunk many times before.

"Look at this kid!" He said, putting his arm around me. "Hey Bee, are you a'buzzin?"

"Oh, fun _ny_!" I said, but I laughed again because he was right. I wrapped my arms around him and said, "I love you guys!"

Dally broke out laughing now,

"Uh oh!" He said, "She's hit the affection stage! Bee, come on, you don't really love us do ya?"

He was just teasing, but in my oncoming inebriated state I dropped my jaw and said,

"No, I really do!"

"We love you too, kiddo!" Dally said, pulling me into a lively headlock.

The night became a phenomenal blur of music and smiling faces and laughing. As the night when on I found myself constantly watching Johnny. Two-Bit was trying to get him to dance, but Johnny was telling him to quit it and that he wasn't going to dance like an idiot with him. Soon another Elvis song came on; When It Rains It Really Pours. I stood up and walked over to Johnny and I held out my hand. He took it and twirled me right away, and he laughed,

"Still standing, huh?"

"Oh hush, I'm not _that_ drunk." I said.

I turned and faced him, and I rested my arms around his neck and we began to dance to the slow blues song. I sang along to it while looking at him,

" _You shouldn't have took away my lovin'… you know you thrill me from head to toe… I got a feelin' for you baby… 'cause you're the only one who knows… about my troubles, troubles, troubles… oh when it rains, it really pours_ …"

My mind started thinking about the Socs, and how much trouble they were.

"We got a lot of troubles, don't we Johnny?"

"Yeah, I guess we do." He said, with a half-hearted smile, "But we do alright."

"Yeah…" I smiled, looking at him again and trying not to blush, "Yeah, we do."

"It was real great of you to put this party together and everything." Johnny said.

"Anything that brings all us together." I winked. "Greasers… we're just a bunch of Greasers, but I'm telling ya Johnny, you guys are the best damn thing that ever happened to me. If you had never stopped to talk to me that day, none of this… I'd be… geez Johnny, you're just the best friend I ever could have hoped to come across."

"You're a real sweet drunk, you know that?" He said, with a laugh.

"Oh shut your mouth Johnnycake!" I laughed, fully blushing now.

"I'm kidding!" He smiled; with his mouth _and_ his eyes. A full, real Johnny Cade smile. "You're real sweet all the time."

 _He thought I was sweet._ We stopped talking then and just danced to the song. One thing about the Greasers was that they were never afraid of showing physical affection towards one another. Soda, Darry, and Pony all being brothers and everything, they were always showing affection. None of the guys was ever afraid to reach out and put an arm around their friend. So seeing Johnny and I dancing in the middle of the party wasn't something everyone was making fun of; to be honest it probably went almost unnoticed. My mind sort of wanted it that way, but I wasn't ready to confront those feelings yet. We danced slowly and soon the song was over, and when it was we were both smiling at each other, but not saying a word.

 _Oh god I wish I knew what you were thinking, Johnny Cade_ , I thought. Are you looking at me with the same admiring eyes that I'm looking at you with? Do you even notice a difference?

"You like dancing, Johnny?" I asked.

"Yeah sure… don't do it very often."

"Yeah… We should dance more often…"

My mind suddenly panicked as I thought maybe that sounded too personal. My brain was telling me to stop with all this mushy nonsense before I did something foolish, so I turned and looked towards everyone,

"We _all_ should! Darry come on, put on something fun!"

 **AHHH I loved this chapter. I hope you guys did too! As always, please review, let me know what you think or if I'm writing anyone too out of character or anything. Next part of the Halloween party will be coming in the next few days! :)**


	5. Halloween Party Part 2

**Okay I lied, I couldn't resist posting just ONE more chapter tonight before my little hiatus. :p Alrighty folks, Halloween Party Part 2!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any characters from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

Soon people began to nod off. Steve had fallen asleep on the armchair, Two-Bit was looking to leave and head home soon. Pony and Soda had taken to the couch, and both were yawning and ready for sleep. Darry was out of his costume and now cleaning up some stuff in the kitchen, but he refused help whenever I tried to ask. I was leaning in the kitchen doorway begging,

"Come on Darry, let me help with _something_!"

"No way, kiddo! Don't you worry about it." He said.

"But Darry-"

"Go on now, get!" He said, throwing a small chocolate bar at me.

I laughed and left to sit back in the livingroom, and when I walked in Johnny was heading towards the door,

"Johnny, where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm beat man, I'm going home to sleep. I'll see y'all tomorrow or something. Hey Darry! I'll see ya around."

"See ya later Johnny." Darry stepped out of the kitchen and waved goodbye.

I sat down leaning against the couch at Pony's feet. Johnny waved goodbye again,

"Later Pony, Soda… see ya Dal. Night, Bee."

"Night, Johnny…" I said, my voice a little dreamier than I would have hoped.

When he left, the party was truly over. Everyone was ready to fall asleep… everyone except Dally and me, apparently. My intoxicated brain didn't want to be quiet. Suddenly I could see the appeal of it all… getting buzzed and feeling numb, having some feelings shoved completely away for a time… but now I was bordering on that edge of overemotional drunk. I knew because as soon as I thought about about my dad and how much he drinks, and I thought about me becoming like him, and I hated that. I was confused about Johnny too, and starting to worry if I acted like a fool. I sat, frowning and deep in thought for a while, until Pony stood up and stretched.

"Man, I'll see ya in the morning guys, I'm goin to bed."

"Night Pony. Night Soda."

I reached around and hugged their legs from my spot on the floor. Soda reached down and ruffled my hair and said,

"Great party, pumpkin."

Darry came in real quick before heading upstairs himself and telling us that if we wanted to crash at their house that was fine. We thanked him and said goodnight, and suddenly it was just Dally and I left listening to the music quietly playing on the radio. I wasn't sure what I was thinking about, I knew I was getting pretty upset though. Dally knew something was wrong, and he looked at me with suspicious eyes almost waiting for me to say something.

"Hey Bee, how ya feelin?" He asked.

"Fine…" I said.

He nodded, unconvinced, and continued to shuffle the deck of cards in his hand. After a moment I stood up and walked towards the door,

"Hey, where are you going?" Dally said, standing up, "You going home?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Well hell, let me walk you. No way am I letting you walk home alone in the dark, especially on Halloween. Come on Bee, let's go."

We both left the Curtis house and shut the door behind us. The night was chilly and I didn't have a coat with me. Dally threw his jacket at me,

"Here, wear this before you freeze to death, kid."

He pulled a cancer stick from his pants pocket and lit one up. He dragged on it, and then when he hurried to catch up to my side again, he held it out and I took a drag off as well. My mind was still running a mile a minute, and I wasn't sure why I felt so upset. There was a lot of things I was thinking about, but some of it I think was heightened because of my inebriation. Things like the thought I then voiced out loud to Dally,

"Dal, do you really like me?"

"What?" He said, blowing his smoke out and giving me a hard look, "Of course I like you, Bee, come on, what are ya asking stupid stuff like that for?"

I hung my head, and took another drag off Dally's cigarette.

"I don't know… I guess sometimes I just feel so useless. Like, being the only girl in the gang, ya know? I can't look after myself, I'm the second youngest next to Ponyboy… I'm dumb."

"Shut up, you're not dumb." Dally said.

"I am dumb!" I said, "If I wasn't so dumb, I mean, if I was actually something worth loving, wouldn't my old man love me? He _doesn't_ love me, and that's gotta prove something."

"That doesn't prove _shit_ , okay?!" Dally said, in his familiar angry tone, "You're father's an idiot. Look, the boys love you, we all do!"

"It's not the same, Dal." I said quietly.

"I know that! Hell, my old man isn't exactly father of the year either, Bee. Look, don't let that asshole make you think any less of yourself, alright?"

He was using a stern and angry voice. I didn't want to make Dally angry at me; I was already angry enough at myself. I threw my hands to my sides, and then shoved them inside Dally's coat pockets.

"I don't know man, sometimes I just feel like I don't deserve you guys."

"Oh my Christ-" Dally ran his hand over his face, "you're talking crazy."

"Really! You're all so great, and what the hell am I?" I said, "I mean, come on, what if…"

We were approaching my home now. I could see the lamp on in the living room window, but no other lights were on through the house. My feet stopped moving and I stood there looking at the house that was my home, but I didn't want to go inside. He was in there, I knew it… and I hated it.

"What, Bee?" Dally asked, pressuring an answer out of my trailed off sentence.

In my mind I pictured my drunken father, stumbling around with a bottle in his hand, or sleeping on the bed on top of the covers because he had passed out there. I imagined myself looking the same way… and after being drunk for the first time and now seeing the addictiveness of it… I could see myself ending up the same way. I had nothing else going for me in life…

"Dal, you don't think I'd ever end up like my old man, do you?"

Dally released a heavy sigh and looked down at the ground, wondering what to say to me. I'm sure on some level he had the same thoughts about ending up like his old man someday, maybe he knew how I was feeling. He looked back to me and said, actually with a smile,

"No way, Bee… not in a million years. You could never be mean like that."

He came to me then and pulled me into a hug. My feet stumbled a little and I felt my cheek rest on his chest. I smiled and leaned into his warmth, so happy to have friends like him.

"Hey come on, kid." He said with a laugh, "How are ya feelin? Still pretty drunk, huh?"

"Yup." I said simply, which made him laugh for some reason. "Hey Dal?"

"Yeah?

"Did I act like a total idiot tonight?"

He laughed again,

"You mean more than usual?" He said. I gave him a roll of my eyes and he said with a wink, "Nah princess, you were fine. You're an adorable drunk."

"Aww, shut up Dal!" I joked, playfully shoving him.

My mind had left my situation, and travelled back to Johnny. He had left alone, and I could imagine him walking home alone in the dark all by himself. That probably took him a lot of nerve. I started worrying about him,

"Do you think Johnny got home alright?"

Dally shrugged his shoulders and tossed his cigarette butt to the curb.

"I guess so." He said.

"It's not even a home." I said, quite flustered. "With his parents fighting all the time."

"Well, what you're going home to isn't much better…" Dally said as we approached my doorstep. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks for walkin me home, Dal."

He gave me another hug, I gave him back his coat, and then he started walking away back towards the sidewalk,

"See ya soon, princess."

"Yeah, see ya Dally!"

He walked away lighting up another cancer stick; completely unafraid of the night or being alone or where he was going to end up. I opened my front door, afraid that my father would be angry at me for coming home so late, or being so drunk. I tip toed inside and gently closed the door so that I barely made a sound. Because of my drunkenness, my eyes were unfocused already in the dim light from the living room lamp, and when I turned around and saw the figure of my father laying on the couch I nearly screamed from shock.

"Dad?" I said, my voice a bit shaky.

He didn't answer me.

His eyes were closed. There was a bottle of whiskey laying on the floor, and the carpet beneath it was soaked. I could smell the alcohol from the door where I stood. Quietly I walked over towards him, and I placed a careful hand on his shoulder,

"Dad?" I said again, "Can you hear me?"

Still there was no answer. I wondered vaguely whether or not he was dead, but his great stomach rising and falling was a clear indicator that he had just passed out on the couch during one of his drunken escapades. I picked up the whiskey bottle and put it on the table beside the couch. I tried again,

"Dad? Come on dad, wake up… you gotta go to bed…"

He was out cold though, and clearly would not wake up. This upset me a whole lot. Why the hell wouldn't he just wake up? Why the hell couldn't he just love me?! My eyes burned with tears and they fell freely as my eyes crumpled and my lips began to quake with oncoming cries. I shook him again, a bit rougher this time,

"Come on, dad!" I said, sniffling through my running nose, "What did I do? Why don't you…"

I couldn't even utter the words 'love me'. My heart hurt so much in my chest from this pain; this feeling of true abandonment. I had seen him drunk more times than I could count; it was normal for me. In the state I was, however, this particular moment made me want to curl up and disappear. I was so hurt. Angrily I looked over at the whiskey bottle, grabbed it and took a swig. It burned as it slid down my throat, but I didn't make a sound as I slammed the bottle back on the table. All I could think about was Johnny, and how his parents were just as bad, only maybe worse because his mother was still alive and his parents fought all the time. Did he hurt this much too? Of course he did, he must have, and the pain of imagining Johnny like that made me cry harder. He didn't deserve pain like that.

Flopping down onto the floor in front of the couch I began to untie my shoes and pull them off. I kept crying and crying, and without turning off the light I curled up on the floor and decided to sleep there. Before I closed my eyes and fell asleep, I sat up and took my father's arm and pulled it gently towards me so that his hand rested on my shoulder. Then I closed my eyes and pretended that maybe, in some dream world, my father was comforting me while I cried…

When the morning came the sun was shining in through the front window. It would have been something nice to wake up to if my old man hadn't woken up and almost tripped over me on the floor. It was the sound of his shouting that woke me up. He was hungover, and wasting no time before he started yelling at me.

"What the fuck are you doing on the floor?!" He shouted, kicking my arm with his toe.

"Huh?"

Although the sun was nice to wake up to, it wasn't treating my hangover very well. It was bright on my eyes and I squinted and lifted my hand up to cover my face.

"You idiot," My dad went on, "I almost broke my goddamn neck tripping over you! What the hell are you doing on the floor? Get up!"

"I fell asleep here... I was trying to wake you up when I came home so you could go to bed, but-"

When the hell did you get home?!" He interrupted.

"What, were you _waiting_ for me?" I said sarcastically.

"You shut your mouth!" He threw a newspaper at me and said, "Throw this out."

I got up off the floor as my old man went into the kitchen. Right away I heard the sound of a beer can being opened. My eyes travelled to the clock over the television; it was 10:30am. I walked into the kitchen somewhat stomping my feet because I was angry. I was angry for remembering how upset I had gotten last night trying to wake up my dad. He would never love me. I should never feel that strongly about him that way ever again, it would never be worth it. I felt so pathetic for having gotten so emotional. I threw the newspaper into the garbage can, and just as soon as I was about the leave the kitchen my old man was on me again,

"Where do you think you're going? These dishes gotta get done!"

"Do them yourself."

I was hurrying now, because I knew talking back to him was only going to make it worse. I quickly went upstairs into my room, which was strange since I was rarely in there much anymore. After a few minutes I had changed my clothes, run a brush through my hair, and then I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I suspected my old man came barging in and was yelling,

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Out."

"Like hell." He growled, "You're not going anywhere."

"What do you care?!" I said, rinsing my toothbrush and throwing back into the drawer. "You'll just throw me out later once I've done everything around here anyway!"

He grabbed my arm hard enough to make me cringe as I walked past him to go downstairs, but I ripped it out of his grasp. My footsteps sped down the wooden stairs so fast as my father's heavy footsteps followed closely behind. I sped to the door and ran down the porch steps knowing I was safe. My father wouldn't follow me outside; his mistreatment of me was something he kept a secret within the house. Just like that I was back outside… Hungover, and alone.

Home. What the hell was that, anyway?

 **There ya have it! :) Send in the reviews if you wish, and I'll update as soon as I can!**


	6. Talking with Darry

**Hey guys, sorry it took a few days to update, I was just in a play! :D haha Anyways, I'm back now, so here we are with the next chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any characters from S.E Hinton's novel.**

Without a specific place in mind to go to, I just walked wherever my feet would take me. I walked past the vacant lot and sat down on the old couch for a while and watched the leaves falling quickly. I didn't stay very long though, and soon I was up walking again closer to town. As I walked I started to sing Elvis' 'That's Alright' under my breath. My eyes travelled towards the end of the street and I saw him. My heart beat a little faster, and my cheeks flushed red. I shoved my hands in my pockets, and I smirked when he saw me too. We walked until we met.

"Hey Johnny! What are the chances?"

"Hey Bee! Where are you headed?"

"Nowhere, man. You do okay last night when you left?"

"Yeah," He said, "but you know, I didn't wanna hang around in the morning."

"Me neither, I got in a fight with my old man as soon as I woke up."

Johnny reached over and gave me a squeeze with one arm.

"Yeah well, who needs em anyway?"

He said this in an attempt to seem nonchalant about the whole thing, but we both knew that we _needed_ parents who loved us… We both knew it, but we both stayed strong around each other. I laughed and said,

"Yeah, who needs em."

"Man, I sure am hungry though." Johnny said, "Last time I had anything to eat was yesterday with Dally before the party."

"Well come on!" I said smiling, "Let's go to the diner, they've got the super cheap breakfast special between 10 and noon."

"Yeah, alright." He said.

So we went to the diner and had eggs and toast. I had coffee while Johnny had chocolate milk, and we both talked about whatever we could think of. When we had finished and left the diner Johnny told me that he was going to go meet Ponyboy, so we said goodbye and I went back towards my house. There was no way I was going home, so I slowly started to make my way towards the Curtis house wondering whether Soda would be there and we could play cards or something. I walked through the front door of the Curtis house, but it was pretty quiet. I didn't see anyone right away, so I kept walking through the house until I found Darry in the bathroom with the door open looking into the mirror.

"Hey Superman!" I said with a smile.

"Hey princess, how's your _head_?" He said with a wink.

"Shut up, Darry." I stuck my tongue out at him.

He laughed hard at this, knowing that I did indeed have a hangover, and he finished fixing his hair. Then walked out towards the kitchen to start fixing up some lunch. I followed him, kicking my shoes off and sitting down.

"You want anything?" He asked me.

"Nah, that's okay, Johnny and I just went and had breakfast at some diner."

"Alone?"

I almost detected a hint of suspicion in his voice, and that made me nervous. I played it cool though, and said,

"Yeah, we just ran into each other, that's all."

He made a small noise of understanding and kept making his food. I sat at the table and swung my feet around, feeling like Darry was on to something.

"Dal said you got pretty upset last night after y'all left… everything okay?"

My head looked down at my feet in embarrassment, thinking about finding my passed out father, and how I had fell asleep next to him on the floor, but I nodded my head,

"Yeah everything's fine. Don't worry about, I'll be alright."

Darry didn't seem to want to push this issue, and I was thankful for that. Darry was the oldest, and sometimes he showed it by knowing when to keep out of other people's business until it was necessary. He still seemed to be looking at me in an odd way, almost like a smile that he was trying to hide, but couldn't quite do it. I looked around awkwardly and asked,

"So Dal was already here, huh? Where'd he go?"

"I don't know, he said something about going to find Tim Shepard on the other side of town."

"Where's everybody else?"

"Soda and Steve are workin'." He said, "you know Johnny and Pony went out to go check out some library book sale or something, and Two-Bit's at home still sleeping, probably."

"Oh, well I won't bother ya then." I said, standing up.

"Well where are you goin?" He asked.

"I don't know…" I didn't know. I had no idea what to do when I was alone now. "Maybe I'll just take a walk… maybe go see a movie, I'll find something."

There was a moment's pause where Darry did not lose my gaze, and I felt a knot forming in my stomach. I knew he was about to ask me something, but for some reason I felt it wasn't going to be an easy question. I bent down to tie my shoe so I could stop looking at him, and then he asked,

"So…" Darry said, "What's going on with Johnny?"

He had asked the question so quickly I almost didn't quite know what he meant. Of course… I _knew_ he was on to something. I didn't want to face this… no one was supposed to know… I had played it cool, hadn't I? There was barely a pause while I tied my shoe, and I continued hoping Darry hadn't noticed my slight panic.

"What _about_ Johnny?" I repeated.

Darry threw the dishtowel on the counter, and turned back to look at me. He rested his hands on the counter and he looked at me with those grown-up eyes of his. I tried not to look too guilty.

"Come on, Bee…" He said, his voice full of certainty, "the other guys might not pay attention all that well, but _I_ do. I'm not blind, Bee."

He appeared sympathetic. I knew Darry wouldn't make fun of me, but I was still terrified. He knew about it.

He knew that I liked Johnny.

He had seen it in me last night. He had figured it out. Someone _knew_. No, no, no, _no_ , no one was supposed to know! I stopped tying my shoe again and stared straight ahead at the floor, trying not to react at all, but secretly knowing it wouldn't do any good. I finished tying my shoe, and looked up at Darry with pleading eyes,

"Come on Darry… let me keep my dignity, at least."

"Have you told him?"

"No!" I said quickly, "No, oh my god no."

"Well why _not_?" Darry said; appearing genuinely curious. "This isn't something to be _embarrassed_ about, Bee-"

My face that was now red from both embarrassment and frustration was proving him mistaken.

"Oh geez, yeah it is Darry." I said, wanting to look anywhere but at his face.

I had sat back down at the kitchen table, and Darry came over and pulled out a chair for himself. He sat down and kept talking quickly,

"Bee… why? Come on, I bet you anything he would be _thrilled_ to know that you like him!"

Actually hearing it come out of someone's mouth made the whole thing too real. It wasn't all just some secret fantasy in my head anymore. I was so embarrassed. I held out my hands and tried my best not to yell, since I knew Darry wasn't trying to pry or interfere, he _was_ only trying to help.

" _Because_ , Darry!" I said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Don't you know what happens when best friends start liking each other?! It ruins everything!"

"Says who?" He asked, "And no, I don't know if that's the truth Bee, you're the only girl we've ever really taken in like one of the gang… you're like a sister to me, Bee. We all love ya to death, and that includes Johnny."

It seemed strange to me that Darry was trying to coach me about love because I actually had no idea whether or not he had ever had a girlfriend. Love just seemed like one of those things that Darry never had the time for because of all his responsibilities, and maybe that was why he wanted me to tell Johnny so much. Maybe if it was something he couldn't have right now, then he could try and help me. I was still mortified though, and I didn't know what to say.

"I _want_ to say something…" I told him, "but I'm too scared, what if something goes wrong? I couldn't ever lose Johnny as a friend."

"Oh come on Bee, what on earth could you do that would ruin the friendship you have with Johnny? You guys connected before you even knew any of us. He saw something in you, he trusted you… Johnny doesn't do that much. Bee… you know what kind of life he has at home, and I know yours isn't any better…"

Both our heads respectively sunk, as I thought about my awful father and how I was scared I'd end up like him, and Johnny's terrible household… both of us knew abuse and hatred in a place where there should be comfort and affection. That was what Darry was trying to get me to realize.

"Bria, you could give Johnny a whole different kind of care that no one else in the world can give him right now. Goodness knows you both deserve more love than you get…"

"We _all_ do…" I said truthfully.

I wasn't ready to accept Darry's challenge to tell Johnny. I couldn't… not yet. I needed more time to think, more time to prepare myself. This was something I wanted to do at the right time.

"Maybe…" I said to Darry, "Maybe one day."

"Just think about it, Bee."

He took my hand in his and squeezed, and then stood up and it was like the whole conversation had never happened. I went to leave the kitchen, but I turned back and said,

"Hey, don't tell anyone about this, okay Darry?"

"I won't tell anyone, kiddo." He said, smiling. "Take care of yourself."

 **Love this Darry moment, so sweet. In character? Not? Let me know what ya thought! :)**


	7. I Shoulda' Told Him

**Discaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

I finished the memory, and Dally was frowning. He remembered the party as well as I did, and he enjoyed going back to that night and remembering all the fun we had.

"Aww shit, Bria."

"What?" I asked, knowing he was angry about something.

"That was the first time you ever got drunk. If I didn't make you play that stupid game, you probably never woulda gotten drunk and maybe your drinkin' never woulda' got so bad!"

"Aw shut up Dal, that's not true, and you know it!" I scowled, "Don't you even blame yourself for my drinking; that was all my own choice. Don't ruin that night for me, Dal, I loved that night."

"Fine." He said, "Whatever."

I knew he meant it too. He wouldn't want to taint a memory that made me happy like that. I remember how mortified I had been when telling Darry about my feelings for Johnny that day. I was so terrified that someone else would find out, but time went by and no one seemed any the wiser, so I knew that Darry was keeping my secret.

"I just always wanted to help him, Dally," I said, "I shoulda' listened to Darry."

I felt myself wanting to cry again, and my voice shook a little when I spoke,

"When he told me I should tell Johnny, I shoulda' just done it then and there instead of waiting, and waiting, and letting my stupid fear get in the way! I'm so stupid!"

"Shh…" Dally said, "Shh Bee, you're not stupid, come on!"

"What do _you_ think I should've done?" I asked.

Dally went silent. Like I said, feelings weren't really his area of expertise when it came to talking about them. He lit up another cigarette and took a long drag,

"I think you should have told him." He said.

He said it quietly; not loudly, or angrily, or accusingly like I was expecting, and that set me off crying again.

"Goddammit Dal!" I cried.

"What are you getting angry at me for?!" He snapped.

"I'm _not_ angry at you!" I said, "I'm at angry at myself, all of _you_ guys realized I shoulda' told him, _why_ did I have to be so stupid and not do it?!"

"If you call yourself stupid one more time, I'm coming over there and smacking the word right out of your mouth."

"No you wouldn't." I said.

"Okay, maybe I wouldn't," He smirked, but remained firm, "but I'll give you a good whoopin' across the head to get my point across."

I chuckled a little through my watery eyes, and said,

"I'm so lucky to have you guys… was so lucky to have Johnny… I shoulda' cherished every moment of that…"

 **Sorry these present time parts are so short, guys. The story is made up mostly of memories, so these breaks back into Bee and Dally in the kitchen are always pretty small. Anyway, please review if you're still enjoying it! :)**


	8. At the Theatre with Ponyboy

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

It was almost Christmas, and school was out for the holidays. Pony and I had walked to the movie theatre and were freezing. Thank goodness we were now waiting inside and sitting on the floor in the lobby waiting for the movie to start, but we had gone too early and Johnny and Dally hadn't gotten there yet. We decided to hang around until the show started and play some cards. We sat down on the carpet floor and started playing cards. Ponyboy was completely immersed in a picture of a sunset on a movie poster while I was playing a game of solitaire on the carpet. Pony snapped me out of it when he said,

"Bee, look!"

"What?" I said, a bit snarky because I wasn't doing well with my game.

"Look at the picture of that sunset…"

None of the greasers ever paid much attention to stuff like that, but Ponyboy was the main man when it was the right time to notice. I stopped playing and looked at the picture of the sunset that was creeping its way below the skyline and trees in the distance. It sure looked beautiful… the colours and the wavy lines around the sun… even if it was just a movie poster. My mind started thinking about all the other things in the world that I thought were beautiful, but it was hard… in our world it was a tough thing to see. I thought of my mom… and how beautiful she was, and how I wish I looked like her, but I'm sure I don't. Suddenly, caught up in that picture of the sunset, I started telling Pony about her.

"This sunset kinda reminds me of her… we used to sit outside on the porch she'd watch it go down while I played in the yard…" I said, "I wish I looked like her… she was beautiful."

"Aww, hush up Bee, you're not ugly!"

"Who said I was ugly?!" I said, playfully pushing Pony.

"No one! Hey, stop pushin!" He laughed.

"Did I ever tell you about my mom?"

Pony knew how sensitive a situation this could be. I had known right off the bat that both his parents were dead; everyone knew. I never really talked much about my mom though, so Pony scratched his nose and carefully said,

"No, I don't think so… what was she like?"

My voice was soft and dreamy as I kept my eyes glued to that poster of a sunset.

"She was so nice… a heart of gold, really. I mean, she was always reading or taking walks or sewing or something. She swore she was gonna teach me how to sew one day, but we never did get around to it… She was happy, and she kept my dad happy. Shoot, now it's like I can't remember the last time I saw him happy. He didn't drink hardly at all when she was alive except when she did. She had short hair… blonde. And her smile…"

My head sunk for a moment and I sighed heavily. My heart hurt to think about her. Most of it was sadness because she was gone, but it was also because when I thought of her dying, it brought to focus how horribly my dad had changed when she was gone, and how terrible he was now.

"I sure do miss her…" I said.

Pony was looking at me the whole time, and he hadn't said a word. He was chewing his lip and probably thinking about his parents. I felt bad that I sat here mourning my dead mother while Pony had lost both of his parents!

"I'm sorry Pony, I know it could be worse… Losing one parent isn't near as bad as losing both…"

"Hey, shut your trap, losing _anyone_ is bad!" He said, "It doesn't matter if I lost both my parents, and you only lost your mom, it's still terrible. And look at me, I complain all the time about Darry, but at least he doesn't throw me out or rough me up like your dad does… It's awful all around Bria."

He threw the playing cards down in a pile and huffed. My mind was abuzz. I thought I had it worst because I had an abusive father with a drinking problem… but at least I had a father. Ponyboy thought he had it worst because he had lost both his parents, but at least he had Darry and Soda. My mind wandered to Johnny…

"I feel so bad for Johnny…" I said, "Here we are having lost parents, but what's worse? Losing a parent who loved you, or having both of your parents but they couldn't care less about you?"

"Yeah…" Pony agreed, "Poor Johnny."

"I guess we've gotta appreciate what we have, huh Pony? I just hate it so much! I wish there was something I could do for him! But there isn't and, I hate it." I repeated.

He nodded, and we both stared at the sunset poster for another moment.

"That sure is beautiful…" I said, "Thanks for showing me this stuff, Pony. You dig okay."

"Well I can't talk about this stuff with anyone, 'cept Johnny and you, and maybe Soda. Hey, Bria… you're gonna be alright someday." He said, "We all will. Someday everything will turn out fine."

I smiled gently, and he reached over and put his arm around my shoulders and squeezed. Then he laughed and began listing off our futures with a kidding tone,

"Yep. One day everything will turn out fine… Soda will be a speed racer and Steve will be his agent and help him get the fastest cars. Darry will go to college and become a football player, and Two-Bit's gonna become a famous comedian, and Dally's gonna become a rodeo star and stay outta jail… and Johnny's gonna move out and find a nice girl to marry and he'll have a family of his own to love someday, and you…"

My cheeks blushed as I thought about Johnny marrying someone and having children… I wondered what it would look like if I was there next to him… but I kept laughing as Pony carried on,

"You're gonna be just fine. You're gonna be an actress, or a painter, whatever! One day… all us Greasers will get outta this town… one day."

"Yeah one day." I said, "Thanks Pony… I never really talked much about my mom to anyone before. But yeah, one day we'll get outta here, but for now, we're stuck so we better make the best of it!"

"Hey, losers!"

Dally and Johnny were trudging through the theatre lobby kicking snow off their shoes and shaking snow off their shoulders, and I stood up from the floor and waved. After my talk with Pony I just wanted nothing more than to take them all and hug them close and tight. I loved these guys, and I didn't know what I'd do without them. I shook Pony hard on the shoulders,

"Come on! We're gonna be late for the movie!"

I jumped up and ran towards Johnny and Dally, laughing and feeling thankful that they existed. When I reached Johnny he was laughing at my enthusiasm and I practically ran him over as I tackle hugged him. My heart raced with admiration wishing I could just kiss him here and now, but I knew I was still way too nervous to ever try something like that when I could barely even fathom telling him my real feelings.

"Golly, calm down Bee, you're gonna kill me!" Johnny laughed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dally said.

He was laughing though, and he messed my hair and pulled me in for a hug before we all turned around and walked back to the Drive-In.

 **-Present Time-**

"And after that was when everything went to shit…" I said.

Dally did not speak, but he gravely nodded his head because he knew it was true. I remember that we had all spent some time at Christmas with each other and exchanged small gifts. We threw a New Years get together that was just as enjoyable as the Halloween party. It was _after_ the New Year that I remember everything suddenly going downhill. Johnny got jumped and beaten real bad by a bunch of Socs. They were the ones who gave him that scar on his face. I remember when we found him laying in the lot barely breathing, and his poor face with that terrible scar...

"I could barely keep it together when Johnny got jumped by them Socs…" I said, "I think I started drinking a little more then…"

"Because you were worried." Dally stated.

"I was so scared for him," I said, "and things were getting so stressful at the Curtis place because Soda had dropped out and Darry was getting tired and frustrated with Pony all the time…"

Dally was still quiet as I rambled on remembering everything, but he interrupted and said,

"But don't you remember, Bee?" He asked, "When Johnny got jumped, and after that he asked for you… he asked for _you_! He wanted to spend time with _you_!"

He seemed bitter, and I was unsure why. Dallas Winston was always bitter, so it was hard to tell what his reasons were. Was he jealous that Johnny wanted to spend time with me instead of him? Dallas loved Johnny more than anything, so was that it? I didn't want to ask him; I figured it would make him angry and he'd blow his top on me. But in my sadness and anger, I let it slip anyway,

"Are you _mad_ , Dally?"

"Shit, goddamnit Bee, I'm just trying to _tell_ you that I bet he knew you loved him! Why else would he ask for you specifically like that?!"

"What do you care? You were spending all that time with Sylvia anyway!"

I could see him resist to urge to raise his hand and hit me, like he would if I had been Two-Bit, or Steve… I felt bad for provoking him like that. I knew he loved Johnny, and saying that he neglected spending time with Johnny because of Sylvia was a sure-fire way to get him pissed off.

"I wanted to kill that Soc." Dally said with a fiery anger, "I wanted to get him back, ten times worse than he got Johnny! And besides… Sylvia was a two-timin' little shit anyway…"

"Johnny getting jumped changed everything though…" I said sadly. "Things got so dangerous after that…"

My mind drifted off again to another memory that happened in May; one year after I had befriended all of the Greasers. It was this point that I remember life took a turn for the much worse…

 **Kinda just a fluff chapter at the beginning there, I know, but hey Pony and Bee needed to have a nice moment together. :p Got pretty grim at the end though… and sorry guys, it gets pretty grim from here on out. :( lol Anyway, please review if you wish!**


	9. Bria gets Jumped

**Alrighty guys, some pretty intense stuff in this chapter, so I'm throwing a trigger warning up here. Just in case. Either way, hope it's alright!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E Hinton's novel.**

Things were getting worse, alright. After Johnny had been jumped, the tension between the Greasers and the Socs was worse than ever. There were constant fights between members of each gang, and Darry made sure that we all knew it was a really bad idea to walk alone. When I started for home one day alone was when I finally realized how stupid I had been to walk home alone; even after I had been advised not to. I was leaving a pool hall and had only gotten a few blocks away when I heard the laughter behind me. The taunting and the name-calling was usually how it started.

"Hey Greaser…"

"Look at her… ugly Greaser chick."

"Looks like she could use a little company, don't you?"

The Socs never much bothered with Grease girls; they did have a reputation to uphold after all. Only Soc girls who were really nasty would ever try anything, heck you'd be more likely to get into a fight with another grease girl! And the most a Soc girl could do was throw insults at you, but that never hurt me. Eventually some of the Soc boys began to throw all care into the wind and began to taunt and corner me sometimes when I was out alone. Normally I'm pretty tough and can take care of myself, but when I was going to be outnumbered any more than two to one… things could get dangerous. They could hold me down, hush me up... It terrified me sometimes if I really thought about it, but I had to never let that show. I had a reputation to uphold too, and that was being a tuff Greaser girl. I didn't look back at them; I couldn't give them the satisfaction. They were walking faster though so they could catch up to me just to give me a hard time.

"Hey Grease!"

One of them threw something at the back of my head; a glass soda bottle. It bounced off my head and shattered on the ground as I spun around to face them.

"Hey, asshole, that hurt!"

They all stopped. There were five of them altogether. Some of them laughed, but the one who threw the bottle was staring at me with the utmost hatred. I knew I shouldn't have sworn like that, but it wasn't _fair_! They could swear at me and call me names, but as soon as I tried to retaliate, I was labelled the bad guy.

"What did you call me, grease?"

I had already said it once, so I stuck to it.

"I called you an asshole."

The leader of this little pack of Socs looked at his buddies and laughed. Not a laugh of amusement, but one of those eerie laughs that sends shivers up your neck. He lunged forward and shoved me to the ground so quickly I couldn't even react. I felt warm blood dripping down my arm where I fell in the broken glass.

"Are you crazy?!" I half shouted.

He looked back to me and started taking steps towards me after I had stood back up. When he stood right before me he was taller than I was. He looked down at me and said,

"You think you're _so_ tough, don't you grease?"

"Tougher than you'll ever be. Do you even know how to survive without everything being handed to you on a silver platter?"

My insults were weak, and I knew it. Sometimes I just needed to learn to keep my mouth shut. Embarrassment flooded through me, and I wanted to disappear. Somehow my comment seemed to anger the Soc more, and he said,

"If there's something I want, I'll get it myself. By force."

As he said the word 'force' he took a hold of my wrist and gripped so tight I winced in pain.

"Hey come on, man!" I said, fighting to get away.

"You know, I think this greaser needs to learn a lesson!" The pack leader said, "I think we need to teach her how to keep her mouth shut!"

The Soc pushed me and I almost tripped backward,

"Hey, I'm not trying to start any trouble!" I said, "Come on, just let me go. What the hell could you want from me?"

"Oh you'll see, grease."

He and a few of his buddies grabbed my arm and pushed me into an alleyway beside a convenience store and a restaurant. The alley was long and dank and enclosed. There was a large garbage dumpster halfway through the backstreet, and they pushed and shoved me past it so that it slightly covered us from view outside the alley.

"You're disgusting!" I said, "Jumping a girl, are you kidding?! What, you can't take on any guys your size, you bastard?"

"I'll fuck up whoever I want, grease. Beating up guys isn't _nearly_ this fun though…"

He had pushed me up against the wall and was pressed against my body so that I couldn't move. He touched my chin, and I winced. My heart was racing because I couldn't tell what he was thinking. His fingers clamped on my jaw and he pulled my face so I was looking at him.

"You'll keep your mouth shut from now on, trash." He snarled.

He spit on the wall near me; so near that I felt the spittle on my arm. I tried again to escape his grasp, but the more I fussed, the harder he held on. I lifted my foot and stomped down hard on his toes, and he shouted out in pain. In the few seconds he had let go I got away from the wall, but I heard him shout to his buddies,

"Grab her!"

And grab me they did. I felt a pair of hands on each of my arms, and two hands shove me hard on my back so that I was forced down to my knees. With another push I threw out my hands so that my face wouldn't collide with the pavement. I felt my hands sting on contact. There was a kick at my sides and I rolled onto my back, and two Socs had grabbed my arms and held me in place. Another Soc was at my head, and one was watching the alleyway. The leader stood over me, fuming with anger.

"I'm gonna teach you a lesson grease. I'll teach you not to mess with us, you little shit."

It was too much now. I knew what could happen here, and I was trapped. I panicked and began to shout out and scream and make as much noise as I can, but as soon as I did they all sprung into action. The two held my arms down, and the one near my head put his hand over my mouth. I viciously moved my head around trying to get his hand away.

"Shut her up, jesus! Use the headband!"

The Soc at my head pulled my bandana off my head and he roughly put it in my mouth and held it behind my head. My eyes were overflowing with tears now as the leader bent down near me and sat on top of my midsection. He took my jaw in his hand again and said,

"Aww, come on now, grease. It won't hurt _that_ badly…"

All of his buddies laughed. He reached down with one hand and hooked it in the waist of my shorts, like he was going to pull them down. With his other hand he was trying to unbuckle his belt. I was in a complete and utter panic. Total meltdown mode. The Soc leaned down while still fighting with his belt buckle and he forcefully kissed me while I squirmed. My discomfort only made them laugh harder. I began to wheeze and scream and cry through the headband, but my noises were muffled. I began to flail every inch of my body that I could trying desperately to get them off. The Soc pulled on my shorts so hard that the button came undone, and just when he went to try and pull them down I heard a lot of noise. Running. Shouting. And suddenly there were two hands grabbing the Soc and pulling him off of me.

With the other Socs jumping up to defend their buddy, the headband came out of my mouth and I screamed in fear. It was them… my saviours. The Greasers. Dally and Darry were the ones handling the leader because they were the angriest. Soda, Steve and Two-Bit were taking on a few of the buddies. Ponyboy and Johnny came running to me and they knelt by my side,

"Bria, are you okay?!" Pony shouted over the noise.

I was crying and still in somewhat of hysterics. I crawled back and sat against the wall, and Johnny and Pony helped me up. I held onto them both like they were the only thing keeping me grounded. My mind was racing, I couldn't believe that had almost happened. I mean, you hear about attacks like that… but you never think that you yourself will be the victim. Pony took my arm,

"Bria, you're bleeding!"

"Bria!" Johnny spoke quietly in my ear, "Bee, are you alright? Come on, talk to me…"

I didn't know what to say. There I was with my hair all a mess and my bandana on the ground, my arm dripping blood and my shorts… my shorts with the button undone and my underwear visible. I was absolutely mortified. All my dignity had disappeared, and without a word I walked through them both further into the alleyway, and I reached down with shaking hands to do up my button again. The boys had chased off the Socs now, and I hoped they had beaten them good. After I did up my shorts, with my whole body shaking I turned back around and saw them all in various parts of the alley staring at me. They all looked somewhat shocked. Nothing of this subject matter had probably ever come up when it was all boys in the gang and they got jumped.

My eyes travelled to each of their faces; Soda, Steve and Two-Bit looking stunned. Darry looking angry, but edging back towards concerned. Ponyboy looked shocked and scared. Johnny looked terrified for me, but was also probably thinking about when he got jumped as well. Dally looked furious; so furious that his face was turning red. Darry was the first one to start walking towards me, and they all followed him.

 **Ugh, poor Bria. Please read and review if you wish! I love to hear what you guys think. :) Next chapter coming soon.**


	10. I loved Johnny Cade

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any characters from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

"Bee, jeezus, are you alright?"

Darry came forward and took my shoulders. I nodded, but couldn't speak.

"Aw look at your arm, Bee…" Sodapop came next and grabbed my bandana from the ground. "Let me wrap it up in this. They pull a knife on you?"

"No… no…" I said with barely a whispering voice, "a bottle, they threw a bottle and it broke, and then they pushed me and I landed in the glass… they…"

"Shh, shhhh pumpkin." Soda said, rubbing his hand over my hair. "It's alright now, they ain't gonna bother you no more."

Dally was breathing heavily in his anger. He looked like he still wanted to throw some punches at someone, but all the Socs had gone. He looked at me with narrowed angry eyes,

"Did they touch you?" Dally asked, and I knew what way he meant.

"No Dal…" I said, wiping tears from my face, "no, he didn't… I mean, he tried to…"

"We got em good for ya, Bria." Two-Bit said, "Those jerks won't come around here anymore, we chased em outta here."

They always said stuff like that. They always said that we'd be safe now, or they had run the Socs away, but in the back of my mind it didn't matter. The Socs didn't care about territory or rules, and they certainly wouldn't let the Greasers keep them away from having their sick version of fun. I know they were trying to comfort me, but part of me felt that it was worthless. I walked into them all, unable to quit crying. I felt like an idiot. I sobbed, and they all just held me. Soda took me into his arms and then held me at arm's length and wiped the tears off my face.

"Come on pumpkin," He said, smiling that charming smile of his, "don't cry no more, you're messing up your pretty face."

"Yeah, come on doll, let's just go home." Two-Bit said.

We all started walking together back to the Curtis house, but I still couldn't stop crying. That was the scariest thing that had ever happened to me. I loved the greasers more than anyone, and I trusted them. But what if one day they didn't come to my rescue? They couldn't be there all the time to save me… What if one day they were just too late? I felt pathetic and weak for feeling like I needed to be rescued. I must cause them so much trouble…

We had gone back to the Curtis house, and as soon as I got there I laid down on their couch. I wasn't talking. Everyone respected my silence and we all sat around and watched television for the afternoon, and the only thing I said was a quiet 'no thanks' if anyone asked if I wanted anything.

Later that night, after I had fallen asleep for a few hours, I woke up with a blanket thrown over me. As soon as I woke up, the only image my brain could conjure up was that Soc on top of me. His cold eyes and his snarling smile looking down at me. My heart raced as I remembered how it felt when they held tight to my arms, when they had covered my mouth. That filthy Soc and his hand that was gripping onto my shorts ready to pull them down. Tears sprung to my eyes and I shivered. Fear was coursing through me, so I sat up and saw the kitchen light on. I got up and walked in to see who was still awake. Expecting Darry, Soda or Pony, I was surprised to see that it was Johnny sitting there. He wasn't doing anything, just sitting and staring out the window twirling his switchblade in his hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

My voice in the middle of the silence made him jump, and his eyes widen like a scared rabbit. When he realized it was me, he put the blade down on the table and jumped up,

"Hey, Bee, you alright? Do you feel okay?"

I didn't feel alright, and I was not okay, but I didn't want to break down so soon after I had just woken up. I wanted to sit down next to him, but it was like I was jumpy and fidgety and couldn't sit still. I felt trapped in this stuffy kitchen, so I asked him,

"Hey Johnnycake, come outside with me, will ya?"

"Yeah, okay."

That was the thing about Johnny. He hardly ever said no if you were in need of company or help. He was the best and most loyal friend in those terms. He came out into the yard with me, and I sat down with my knees hugged into my chest against the edge of the Curtis house and looked up at the dark and starry sky. Johnny plopped down beside me and looked up with me. He was waiting for me to talk, I knew that, but I wasn't sure where to begin. I wasn't even sure why I had asked him out here or what I wanted to say. My nerves were so on edge, it was like I imagined those Socs were going to come running out from behind the house to finish what they had started any moment.

 _Awww, come on now grease… it won't hurt_ that _badly…_

The Socs voice was so clear in my mind like a haunting ghost. Before I knew it I had buried my head in my arms and started crying. Johnny jumped into action immediately,

"Bee, come on man, it's alright, it's alright."

He put his arm around me and kept talking to try and comfort me.

"Johnny, can I wear your jacket just for a bit?"

"Yeah man, you cold Bee?"

He slid the jean jacket off his arms and handed it over to me. Awkwardly I slipped my arms through it and I sat there curled up in his jacket and leaning into his arm. I wasn't cold at all, but I needed to feel protected right now. Covered.

"I never want to feel that uncovered again…" I said quietly.

Johnny heard what I had said, and his eyes turned down towards the ground. It was a weird thing to talk about… the fact that I had almost been sexually battered by a Soc. Like I said, these things probably never came up when it was only guys in the gang. It sort of felt like no one quite knew how to address the situation. All they could do was what they had always done; be there for me as much as they could. There was a noise from the other side of the fence, and I jerked towards it and gasped in fear.

"It's okay, it's just a squirrel, Bee!" Johnny said, rubbing my arm. "Golly, you're startin to scare me, you're jumpier than a grasshopper!"

In my state, his lame joke somehow seemed hilarious, and I began to laugh and laugh. Johnny smiled, but only slightly. He knew something wasn't quite right. My laughs soon became cries again, and I put my head back in my arms. Johnny spoke again,

"Man… that sure musta been scary… I've never… I mean, I could never imagine what it would be like to…" We all were tip-toeing around the word 'rape', because the word itself was just too scary. No one could really believe that it had almost actually happened. "Bee, come on Bee, you're safe now, it'll be alright, really."

"You ever kissed anyone, Johnny?" I asked.

"Well yeah… sure." He said, "Maybe once or twice…"

"Well I hadn't before. I ain't kissed anyone before, and today… that dirty Soc kissed me. He kissed me Johnny, and then he tried to do something so terrible I can't even say it, I just…"

I stood up and began pacing around, and Johnny jumped up too. I think I was scaring him a bit, but I couldn't help it.

"I feel so dirty, Johnny… to think that he was just gonna _use_ me like that!"

"No one's ever gonna use you like that, Bee." Johnny said, "We'll all protect you, come on, you know Dally would take someones eye out if he knew anyone hurt you like that!"

"But Johnny, what if that doesn't happen?! You're not superheroes, you can't be everywhere! I'm a _greaser_ , Johnny, you know that we're always gonna be at the bottom, what if one day I can't defend myself, or I can't get away, or no one comes in time?"

"That ain't gonna happen, Bee!"

"It happened to _you_!" I said, pointing at his cheek.

A nerve had been hit with Johnny. I was right, but it was a terrible way to try and win a battle. Johnny was only trying to help, why was I being so mean to him?! Johnny didn't deserve that.

"I'm sorry Johnny, I didn't mean it, I just… I'm so _scared_!" I cried. "I feel so terrible… like there was something I could have done, or if I hadn't been so stupid to walk alone-"

"Don't you dare start blamin yourself for this, Bria." He said. My full name was always used to get a serious point across, "Those Socs are no good!"

"I'm so scared." I kept crying. "I'm just so scared…"

My arms wrapped around myself; Johnny's jean jacket pressing against me and making me warm. Johnny came over to me and threw his arms around me because he knew that was what I needed. He knew that I needed to feel something; someone's touch that I could trust. A kind of physical affection that would let me know I was wanted and loved and safe. We held onto each other tight and he talked quietly to me,

"Shhh, it's alright. Everything's gonna be alright Bee."

It was around that moment that I realized I loved Johnny Cade. I mean, I had loved him for a long time, for months and months now… but in this moment I truly realized it. We had hung out too many times to count, and we had told each other secrets and enjoyed simple things like sunsets or walks or movies together, and we trusted each other. I cared about him so much, and I could never repay him for introducing me to the gang in the first place. He cared about me when he didn't even know me. When he came and wrapped his arms around me at that moment I realized that there wasn't any other guy from the gang who I'd want to comfort me like this. Just us…

I wrapped my arms around him and held on tight. There was nothing else I could say. My eyes drifted towards the window as the curtains got pulled to the side and I saw Darry looking out into the yard to see what was happening. When he saw it was us outside, and that I was upset, he walked out and asked from the doorway,

"Everythin' okay, princess?"

"Come on Bee." Johnny said, putting his arm around my shoulder and walking towards the door with me. "Let's go inside, get some sleep."

I walked past Darry as he held the door open for us with concerned eyes,

"I'm sorry Darry, I didn't mean to wake anybody up." I sniffed.

"Don't even worry about it, princess." He said, giving my shoulder a squeeze. "Come on now."

We all sat down and in the darkness the television's glare lit up the living room and we watched until all of us had fallen asleep on the couch together.

 **UGHHHH I love this scene with Bee and Johnny. And I hope you did too! If you did, you know what to do. ;)**


	11. Transforming Into a Mess

**SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING for this chapter, and the next chapter. I mean absolutely no harm, and I put the trigger warning there to make sure that no one reads something that might upset them. Self-harm will be talked about.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

"That was when I should have said something…" I said. "That night in the Curtis backyard. I should have told him."

"But Bee, you were going through a lot then too… you had so much shit on your mind."

"SO?!" I shouted, "What does that matter?! We _all_ have shit on our minds, every minute of every day, Christ Dally!"

"You better watch your damn mouth kid, I'm trying to _help_ you!" Dally said angrily, although there was a hint of desperation in his voice. "It's all we ever try to do!"

"I _know_ that, Dally! I do, and believe me, I'm gonna owe you all my life for that."

"Don't you think I forget what happened soon after that, Bri. I remember that you became a damn wreck after that."

Dally spoke quietly, and the hurt in his voice was obvious. He was telling the truth though. After that day when I got jumped was the true beginning of the transformation into the mess I am now. My home life had taken a turn for the worse, if that was even possible. My old man was always drunk and raging on, so most nights I would spent alone wandering the streets, or staying at the Curtis house on their couch. It began to hurt me inside that I didn't have a family, a _real_ family who was supposed to love me and take care of me… but I needed to realize I would never have that, and that I would need to survive on my own. I mean, I knew I had the gang and everything, but I felt like such a bother all the time when everyone had so much going on without having to worry about a silly girl like me.

I began to lose sleep after that, lose concentration, and my school grades were suffering horribly. I was so _sad_ all the time. I was so upset, and I was so unhappy with myself and firmly believed that an idiot like me would never make a difference in the world. I was just a _grease_ , after all. It was all too much. I had begun to drink on my own at lot, beer or rum or whatever I could get my hands on. Sometimes I would get drunk on my own… and in one of those nights I took a blade to my skin for the first time. At first I was nervous when I woke up the next day, hungover and seeing those cuts. Soon it became a refuge though, and the habit became more consistent. My upper arms were almost completely covered, and I had to wear sweaters even when it was hot just to hide them.

I remembered that day very clearly, and so did Dally.

"I remember what happened after that Bria, shit…" Dally said painfully.

"I know." I whispered.

"You know how upset he was when he found out about that?" Dally told me.

"I _know_!" I cried.

Involuntarily my hand reached up and began to rub my shoulder where the old scars had begun to heal to only white lines, and I remembered the day that they all found out about my darkest secret…

 **Once again, sorry it's just a short present time chapter, but I had to build the way to the next one. Also I'm going to be a preachy writer for a moment and say that if self-harm is something you are struggling with, I do hope you get the help you deserve. ANYWAYYYY I hope this is alright, and that you'll all keep reading even though the story is taking a sad road. Review please, let me know what you think!**


	12. Bria's Secret

**SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING once again for this chapter. Same as last time. Lots of discussion about self-harm. Please do not read if you think it will trigger/upset you. The last thing I want to do is upset any readers. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any characters from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

We were at the Curtis house once again, and we were all just talking. Hanging out and spending time with each other… it was my favourite thing to do because it was one of the only things that made me truly happy. It was starting to get warmer out near the end of May, and when it got warm in Tulsa, it was _warm_. Everyone was sweating bullets, and either wearing a wifebeater or no shirt at all. I was very warm, uncomfortably so, and Soda was the first to notice.

"Bee, come on man, you're making me sweat even _more_ over here, why the heck are you wearing a sweater?"

"Yeah, you're crazy!" Pony laughed.

"I gotta be, to hang out with all of you guys." I just laughed along like nothing was wrong, but strayed away from the original comment about my sweater.

Dally came over behind me and began to take the sweater off my shoulders, but I moved quickly, feeling my heart race,

"Hey, Dally! Stop it!"

"Oh come on," he said, "you're gonna pass out if ya don't take-"

He had pulled the sweater down and I stood up and began to fight with him; Dally thinking I was only play fighting, so he continued to laugh and tease in what he thought was a harmless way. By the time he had pulled the sweater all the way off my arms I had begun making such a fuss that all the boys were looking, and as soon as that sweater came down and I felt the air on my arms, I recoiled into myself. My hands shot up to my arms and I held my shoulders as though it would cover my scars. I looked down at the ground and closed my eyes tight. Clearly they could see everything. The silence was deafening, even with the music still playing. I was too scared to open my eyes. I tried to run away into another room, but Dally grabbed my wrist and stopped me,

"Bria, what the fuck happened?!"

The anger in his voice proved that he _did_ know what happened. I had begun to cry. I _hated_ crying, and when I started to cry it only made me more upset. Boy or girl, it didn't matter, Greasers were _tough_. I felt so stupid, so worthless.

"Bee?" It was Sodapop's gentle crooning voice. "Bee, what happened?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, its _obvious_ isn't it?!" Dally was so angry.

Darry came rushing over in anger, not at me, but at Dally,

"Christ Dally, lay off!" He said loudly.

He forced Dally away from me. Everyone was quiet again. I opened my eyes then, and looked at them all. Dally was looking at me with daggers in his eyes. Johnny and Ponyboy were staring side by side looking stunned; Johnny's puppy dog eyes wider than usual. Steve rubbed his hand over his face and I heard a quiet 'holy shit' under his breath. Two-Bit was staring at me in silence. I had never seen Two-Bit this quiet, he _always_ had something to say… but this, _I_ did this. I had stunned him into a hush. Sodapop came over to me and he put a hand on my shoulders,

"Bee, look at me," He said, his voice sounding a little cracked, "Bee."

I looked at him and his worried eyes, and he said,

"Come on, come sit down…"

Everyone moved around from where they were sitting so that I could sit in the middle of the couch. Pony and Johnny sat down beside me, and Soda knelt in front of me still holding onto my shoulders. Darry came and stood watching over everything, but Steve stayed at the card table, and Dally was in the corner by the kitchen, still fuming.

"Bee…" It was Johnny this time, "Did you…?"

"You didn't…" Pony said in disbelief.

I couldn't even bring myself to say yes, but my tears and silence were as much truth as they needed. I shook my head and cried, angry at myself for having been found out.

"Jeezus, no one was supposed to find out!" I said, somewhat to myself. "I just… I don't even know what to… I just didn't know what to _do_ , okay?!"

"Bria, why would you do this?" Darry asked, full of concern.

I cried on about everything. How the Socs were staring to take a major toll on me, and my dad was more than I could handle, and that my grades were falling and soon I would probably flunk out of school. If that happened, I would never become a success at anything (like I had any talent anyway) and that life was too pointless, and how I was so worthless and stupid. I _deserved_ all this pain for causing everyone so much trouble and not being strong enough to take care of myself. Johnny piped up when I said this,

"That ain't true, Bria!" He said, "I gotta fight a lot of the same battles you do, but do I think _I_ deserve it? Heck no!"

"Yeah, come on Bee, I mean I know us Greasers have it rough… and it's no good, but… we've all gotta stick together!" Sodapop said.

"Oh come on, you're gonna sit here and tell me that you've never thought once in your life, when you were feeling your worst, that maybe just ending it was the way to go?!" I said bitterly.

Pony and Johnny were silenced, because I had heard the stories that sometimes in passing Johnny would talk about killing himself when the Socs or his parents seemed to be getting the better of him… it was something he'd only ever talk to Pony about, and now I understood why. This bombardment of both concern and anger was very stressful. I felt like my heart would rip right from my chest.

"But Bee," Pony said, his voice a bit shaky, "I said it before and I'll say it again, we're a _family_! We need each other, and that means _you_ too!"

"Yeah Bee, we'd go nuts if anything happened to you, or any of us!" Two-Bit finally chimed in, "We stick together, we look after each other, why didn't you come to us?!"

I had begun to cry again, so much that I couldn't speak, and I leaned onto Pony's shoulder and Johnny put his arm around me as well.

"Jesus Bee, do they hurt?" Darry asked, "How recent are those?"

"I don't know, I've lost track…"

"Bee, how can we help you?"

Darry asked me this and Sodapop took me from the couch and hugged me tight. Two-Bit was rubbing my back in circles, and Steve pat my shoulder. Darry took me when Soda let go, and squeezed me in his arms.

"I don't know." I said, "Seriously, I don't know… I just… I'm so sorry, guys, I'm so sorry!"

They all started talking at once telling me not to worry and to not be sorry and that they cared and how they only wanted to help. Dally came over at last, and I looked at him in fear,

"I can't believe you fucking did this."

"Dally, come on." Darry urged him to stop.

"No! Hold on…" He looked back at me, right in the eyes, "Bria, if you ever even _think_ of doing this again, I'm gonna break your fuckin arm."

"Dallas!"

Darry was angry at him now, but I could see something in Dally's eyes that no one else could. It was the way he looked at Johnny sometimes. Dally loved Johnny more than anyone, and to know that this tough guy with the unbreakable walls and cold heart was looking at me with eyes that were filled to the brim with concern. He wasn't _angry_ at me, well he probably was, but he was also angry that there was nothing he could have done to stop it. Hot tears streaked down my face again, and I found my way into Dally's arms and he hugged me tight just as everyone else had.

"Jesus Christ, Bee." He said, lost for words.

I sat down again between Johnny and Pony, and I looked at all the faces of these guys I called my _family_ more than my actual blood. I was overwhelmed with love for them, and I cried again.

"If it weren't for you guys man, I swear…" I trailed off leaving the saddest truth behind. All of us knowing what I would have said.

"Man," Two-Bit said, a bit lost in his own thoughts, "I don't think I've ever known anyone who hurt themselves like that before…"

"Bee," Johnny was looking at me with serious eyes, "please, please don't do this again."

"Ever!" Added Two-Bit.

"Yeah, if you ever need anyone, you know any of us would be there for you!" Ponyboy said.

"Bee…"

Johnny seemed stunned. He kept looking at me with his big puppy eyes like I was going to shatter right before him if he even blinked. I looked at him and felt that desire in my heart tearing at me along with all my pain. Everything in my mind was screaming _tell him, tell him now, NOW!_ Seeing him look into my eyes like that made me practically forget about everyone in the room. He reached over and put one hand on my cheek and another on my shoulder,

"Bee, you can't do this to yourself, you just _can't_!" He said, "Please don't do this again, I don't know what I'd do without ya! You think you need _us_ , heck, we need you too!"

He pulled me in close and we hugged one another for a long silent moment. Everyone was watching, and I could barely stand to look into anyone's sad eyes any longer, so I chose to look at the ground and wipe my face off with the back of my hand. The whole situation had taken a toll on everyone, so soon people started moving around again. Soda and Pony taking off into the kitchen to start making dinner, Steve went over to play cards in silence with Dally. Two-Bit put his hand on Johnny's shoulder and offered to buy him some cancer sticks if he took the walk to the store with him. Darry came to me last once everyone had left the scene, strong and brave as felt he always had to be, and he sat down beside me on the couch and threw his arm over my shoulder squeezing into his side.

"You don't have to do this, Bria." Darry said resolutely. "You don't have to do this to yourself. We love you, kiddo."

 **I'm not really sure what to say after this chapter other than please review if you wish, and I will try my best to have the next chapter up tomorrow! :)**


	13. Soda Rescues Bee

**Okay, so for the next couple of chapters I think I'm just going to flow through the rest of the Bee's memories. The present parts just keep getting smaller and smaller, so I think I'm just gonna finish all the memories until I go back to the present. Sounds good? Sounds good. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

Things had been pretty chaotic after that day when they all found out my secret. Not long after that Dally got in some trouble with the cops and was hauled in to the cooler, presumably for 90 days. We were all pretty shaken by that, but Dally had been in the cooler plenty of times and had a police record a mile long, so we knew he'd be alright. We all missed having him around though. It didn't last; he was back out with us early on account of 'good behaviour' (" _Yeah right, Dal_!" I bugged, " _Who did you bribe?!_ ") and we were all wasting an afternoon away at the Curtis house.

The Socs hadn't eased up on us at all; we had to rescue Ponyboy that same day after some Socs spooked him pretty good. They even cut him a little with a blade. Darry, who still seemed to be acting painfully tough with Ponyboy, scolded him and we all tried to ease the tension between the brothers, but nothing seemed to be working. While we were all discussing plans for the next day, Soda and Steve said they were taking their girlfriends, Sandy and Evie, to a baseball game. They invited Dally along, but when he responded it was in a bitter anger.

"Nah, I found out that broad was two-timin' me again while I was in jail. Whatever, it's cool."

He tossed it off in the oh-so-characteristic way that Dally would, but for some reason I feel like he was more bothered by this than he let on. We all knew that he was with Sylvia for a bit, and we had all hung out with her a few times, but Dally never seemed to talk much about her when she wasn't around. Even when she was, he didn't seem to pay too much attention to her. I wondered why. I wondered if that was what drove her to two-time him while he was in jail. It intrigued me because I wished Dally didn't look so pained by it, but it was none of my business and I didn't want to piss Dally off asking him about it so I just stayed quiet.

Dally instead threw out the invitation to Ponyboy and Johnny to go see a movie at the drive-in, and Two-Bit said he'd join them if he didn't get too drunk.

"You comin', Bee?" Dally asked me.

He looked like he did want me to come, and so did Pony and Johnny.

"Yeah, come on Bee, it'll be fun." Ponyboy said.

"Yeah, you never come to the drive-in with us no more," Johnny said, sounding sad, "please?"

It made my heart break a little to hear him talk like that, but I was so caught up in my sadness that I declined. I had other plans. Other plans that I couldn't tell anyone about. I shook my head slowly and tried to sound cool,

"Nah, sorry guys, I think I might just stay home and watch that ghost movie marathon on TV."

No one pressed the matter, but I could see the accusatory look in their eyes. We all parted ways then, and I went home and had a very restless night sitting in my bedroom window looking at the sky and wondering why life had to be like this for us Greasers. Soon I could see the sun slowly coming up, so I left my house and spent the rest of the morning laying in the lot watching the sunrise.

Later that day I was walking towards home when I heard a car pulling up behind me on the road, and knew for sure it was Socs when I heard it slowing down. There was no stop sign and no stop lights in sight… why else would they slow down? My eyes stared straight at the ground in front of me as I kept walking faster. My heart was beating so heavily I thought I might have a heart attack and die before they got the chance to do any damage themselves.

"Hey grease!" One of them called out the window, "How's it hangin?"

I swallowed hard. They drove up in front of me, stopped the car, and once again the passenger leaned out and said,

"Hey _grease_ , I'm talkin to you!"

"Leave me alone." I said quickly.

"Aww, come _on_ grease!" The driver called from inside the car, "We just want to get to know ya better, that's all…"

The passenger had gotten out of the car now, and was standing in front of me. What other choice did I have but to stop? If I ran they would chase me, and that would make the whole thing worse. There was nothing I could do but stand there and look at the ground and hope they weren't as cruel as my previous attackers. My eyes scanned them quickly and I noticed that they were about my age; younger than the Socs who jumped me before. There was only the two of them, the driver and the passenger, and they were both blocking my path now.

"Come on man," I said, "just leave me alone."

"You know, I think I recognize you…" The driver said, "yeah, yeah it _is_ you! Hey, this is the trash that our friend tried to get to know!"

So they knew about me being jumped before. They knew the one who did it. Clearly from the laughing in their voices they thought it was all hilarious, and they kept taunting me.

"Yeah!" Said the passenger, "He told us all about you…. Sweet little thing."

He reached out and ran his index finger gently across my cheek. I jerked back so quickly my hair bounced in front of my face.

"Don't touch me." I said, but my fear was so noticeable that my voice was like a mouse.

"Yeah, she is sweet. Not like the other grease girls, huh? This one's got heart."

They weren't serious, and I knew it. Nothing could make them look at me any different; they could only see me as just another greaser to despise. The driver came forward and took my arm,

"Come with us, grease." He said, "We'll show you all kinds of dreamy things."

"Stop." I said.

"Yeah," The passenger stood behind me, and took his hands and placed them on each of my shoulders. "We'll even lay in the grass and watch the goddamn sunset if you want."

His voice lowered then, and I could feel his breath on my neck as he leaned in; I could feel his lips so close to my ear as he said so quietly,

"We heard you were really good on your back."

It was such a sexually discreet and disgusting comment. Goosebumps formed on my skin, and that was when the tears came. Images flooded my head of my laying on the ground trapped beneath that Soc. I shakily took a breath,

"Please…" I was begging, "Please stop."

"Oh sweetpea, we're not gonna hurt you."

"Yeah, we'll take real _good_ care of you…"

They knew that every time they touched me it was driving me mad and making me terrified. It thrilled them, so they kept doing it. They would grab my arm, or touch my face, or pull my head towards them to look at them, but my eyes stayed firmly staring down. I was struggling now, too terrified that I would be overpowered again. Roughly I pushed against them trying to break free, and my anger and fear reaching a peak.

"Let me _go_!" I said violently. "Stop it, and let go of me!"

"Hey!"

All of our heads turned, and I saw Sodapop running towards the scene. My heart glowed at the sight of him, and once again I was beyond thankful for my friends. He must have been coming home from work before him and Steve went to the game later that night; we weren't that far from the DX station. The Socs surprisingly let go of me but they stood their ground. Soda got to us, and he was angry,

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Just get the hell outta here, you hear me?" He said.

"Who's gonna make us?" The driver said.

"ME and my goddamn fists, if that's what it takes." Soda said. There was a fire in his eyes that I rarely ever saw. "You think you bastards are tough attacking someone two against one? And a _girl_ , at that? What the hell is the matter with you?"

They were younger than Soda, and now that they were being threatened they didn't seem to have near as much gall. This made me feel stupid; if they weren't so tough I should've been able to do something. I rushed to Soda's side and he put his arm around me,

"You okay Bee?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Soda rushed at them then and grabbed the driver by his collar, and have him a good push towards his car.

"Get the hell out of here, and don't let me see you here again, got it?!"

And they left, just like that. They jumped in their car and sped away with rocks flying behind them and their tires screeching. I stood with my arms crossed over my chest, watching them as they got further away and turned the corner. Soda wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug; it was like I had forgotten he was there. My face was buried in his chest, and he pet my hair.

"You okay Bee?"

My voice was caught in my throat, and it felt like if I tried to say anything I would start crying, and I didn't want to start crying. My eyes travelled down to my feet, and I realized my shoelace was untied, and I leaned down to tie it. While I was bent over I quickly rubbed my eyes with my wrist and tried to stop more tears from forming.

"I'm sorry Soda," I said, "I'm just all shook up…"

Suddenly he started laughing. I looked up at him, confused at what on earth was so funny. He reached out his hand and said,

"Hey, come on pumpkin… I'm all shook up-" His voice took on the tune of the Elvis song and he shook his hips like a goof singing, "Uhhuhuhhh uhhuhhh yeahhhhhh!"

I cracked a smile, and a small laugh came out of me. Leave it to Soda to make me smile at a time like this. Only Soda and Two-Bit could have been able to pull something like that off. I took his hand and let him help me to my feet, and I said,

"Soda, come to the diner with me."

"Right now?"

"Yeah Soda… please?" I was desperate not to be alone after that, "Come on, I'll buy you a chocolate shake."

"Well now, if there's chocolate shakes involved, I'm sold." He winked.

 **I won't lie, the next few chapters might take a while because I need to fix a lot up and add a lot in and what not, but don't worry, hopefully it won't take that long! :) Please review!**


	14. Talking with Sodapop

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

We walked through town to the diner and went inside. I ran towards one of the booths and slid inside, followed by Soda. When the waitress came over I ordered both of us chocolate shakes, and soon she came back with them.

"Look, you don't have to pay for this." Soda began, "Really, it's okay-"

"Hush up, Soda, I'm buying the damn shake."

There was a kidding tone to my voice, but at the same time I was still on edge. It was awkward as we sat there because I was the one who had invited Soda to come with me, but I also didn't really have any idea why, or what I wanted to talk about. Half the time I didn't want to talk at all anymore. Soda sat there and sipped his milkshake through the giant straw and said nothing for a while. After about 10 minutes of silence however, I could sense him looking in my eyes even though I was avoiding his.

"Bee?" He asked, "Are you okay?"

I immediately nodded, but it was a lie. Of course it was, and I was silly to think that Soda wouldn't see right through it. He reached out and placed a hand on mine and said,

"Look, I know them Socs jumping you gave you a damn good scare, we're all kinda worried about you Bee."

It broke my heart because I couldn't think of a single way to respond. I felt like I had sheltered myself and isolated myself so much that it was even becoming hard to talk to my closest friends. Hot tears welled in my eyes and I wanted to throw my shake across the room. _WHY_ was I _crying_ all the time nowadays?! It used to take a lot to make me cry, and now it seems like anything and everything could bring tears to my eyes! I voiced this to Sodapop, and he said,

"It's okay to cry, Bee."

"But I'm a _greaser_ , Soda!" I said, "We're supposed to be tough, and _look_ at me!"

"You always looked pretty tough to me." He said, "You've been through a lot, heck you deserve to cry when things like that happen to you! And come on, look at Ponyboy, he's a crybaby too."

He winked when he said that, clearly joking, but it did make me feel a little better.

"And come on pumpkin, don't you worry about what anyone thinks, we all love you and that's the only thing that matters, alright?"

"Okay…" I said.

Again we sipped at our milkshakes, but Soda broke the silence,

"Why don't you go to the movies with Dally, Pony, and Johnny tonight? I think it would do you good, Bee." He said thoughtfully.

I shook my head sadly,

"Naw, I can't…"

"Why not? I bet they'd all love you to go."

"I just can't!" I said, snippy. "I have to stay home and clean."

This wasn't the same excuse I had given Dally, Johnny, and Pony when they asked me to come along with them, and I knew that Soda knew it too. He stared at me with those wonderful eyes of his and asked me very suddenly,

"Look… Bee, do you like Johnny?"

My eyes shot up and I nearly choked as I took a long sip of my chocolate shake.

"Geez, you're not subtle at all, are you Soda?!" I said, half scared. "Where the hell did you hear anything about that?"

"Don't get mad or anything Bria… really, I mean… I was home talking with Darry the other day-"

"Oh god, he _told_ you?!" I said, becoming furious at Darry. How _dare_ he?! "He swore he wouldn't tell anyone about it!"

Soda threw his hands up, I put my elbows up on the table and put my head in my hands. I felt just as mortified as when I had first told Darry about my feelings. Darry hadn't said anything for _so_ long, why would he break my trust now?!

"Hey, don't be angry at Darry, he didn't tell me anything Bee… I kinda… well, I kind of figured it out myself, I guess…"

"Not as dumb as you always claim to be, are you?" I said with a small smile. "Am I that obvious? Oh my god I'm so embarrassed…"

He smiled back, and put his hands back down. He appeared very attentive; not like he was ready to make fun of me at all.

"No way, Bee, don't be! Why are you embarrassed?"

"I can't tell him, Soda." I said, "I can't; I'm too scared."

"Well I think you should." Soda said seriously, "I really do. Bee, I bet you he really likes you, what are you so afraid of?!"

Soda and Ponyboy talked about everything together. Darry may have never truly told Soda until Soda asked, but I was almost positive that Soda had talked to Ponyboy about this.

"Does Pony know about this, then?" I asked.

Soda squinted his eyes and he looked almost guilty.

"Yeah… he does."

I closed my eyes and nodded slowly. All three Curtis brothers knew that I was in love with Johnny. Soda reached out and touched my arm, trying to make me feel better.

"Come on, it was only a matter of time before Pony figured it out for himself."

"Yeah I guess so…" I said, "Okay, okay, fine, just _please_ don't let this get out, okay?!"

"Look," He pressed again, "I really think you should go with them tonight… it's no good having you sit at home all alone."

I shook my head again, trying to look like I was perfectly okay. I smiled gently at Soda and said,

"No, honest Soda, I'll be okay."

He got up and shoved into my side of the booth and gave me a big squishy hug. It made me giggle, and he kept doing it because he liked hearing me laugh. When he did get up, he said,

"Thanks for the shake Bee, but I gotta get going, Steve, Evie, and Sandy are gonna be waitin' for me soon to go to the game." He pointed a threatening finger at me and said, "I'll see ya tomorrow?"

"You betchya, Sodapop." I pointed back and grinned.

He ruffled my hair once more before grabbing his DX hat from the table and leaving,

"See ya later, pumpkin."

 **Yayyy Sodapop sweetness. Let me know what you think! :) Next chapter coming soon!**


	15. Tell Them I Miss Them

**HEY GUYS! So sorry for the delay with this chapter. I've been super busy, and I was kinda taken away from the story so I had to get my brain back into it. I hope this chapter is alright… review and let me know!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

That night changed everything. When I got to the Curtis house the next morning I could hear Darry and Sodapop shouting from outside. I ran inside and found them in the living room, panicked.

"Darry! Soda, what's the matter? What happened?!"

Darry looked so upset, almost like he was about to cry. Soda turned to me with terribly worried eyes and he told me,

"Ponyboy and Johnny disappeared. A Soc was found dead at the park this morning, some Socs are saying Johnny killed him…"

"What?!" I cried.

"Now they're gone!" Darry said, "They musta ran off somewhere, and I have no idea where they went… It's my fault."

"Darry…" Soda said, placing his arm on his older brother's shoulder, "Don't say that Darry, Pony will know you didn't mean it."

"He never woulda ran off if it wasn't for me hitting him!"

"You hit Pony?" I asked, shocked and sad.

Asking this question made Darry crack, and he put his head in his hands and stifled a sob. His shoulders shook as he tried to keep it together, and Soda kept rubbing his back.

"Soda," I said, "what happened?"

"Well last night Pony and Johnny fell asleep in the lot and didn't get home until 2:00am. Darry was worried sick, they got in a huge fight… look, it doesn't matter, we need to find out where they went! We've gotta get them home!"

Johnny and Pony would never have killed a Socs… something terrible must have happened, they must have been jumped. Poor Pony, and poor Johnny… were they alright? Where on earth could they be? My heart ached for them to be home. How was Johnny handling this? He was probably tearing himself apart thinking about what happened, but I know he would never have done it on purpose, I wanted nothing more in the world to hold him close and comfort him right now. _Oh I should have told him, I should have told him how I felt, now look at the mess he's in_!

For days the whole gang was worried sick. Darry and Soda confronted Dally and asked if he knew where they had gone. He said he didn't know, but Soda didn't believe him. I wasn't sure what to believe. We had a Soc girl, Cherry was her name, spying for us on the Soc side because there were rumours of a rumble in the next few days. The Socs knew that one of their own had been killed by a Greaser, and they were out for blood now. Dally got hauled into the police station because they wanted to get information out of him about where the boys ran off too, but he told them a lie. I was waiting at the lot for him to come back feeling terrified. When he came strutting across the grass I sat up straighter and he came to sit down beside me.

"Everything okay, Dally?" I asked.

"Yeah I lied and told them that they were heading towards Texas." He chuckled a little at his own lie, "Idiots."

I had been wondering a lot about it the last few days whether or not Dally really knew where Johnny and Pony had ended up. It was time that I asked him the truth. I looked at him with narrowed eyes and dared myself to ask,

"Dally… why did you lie? Why couldn't you just tell them the truth; that you don't know where they are?"

"You think they'd believe me if I told them that?!" He said, "They knew me better by now."

"But… you _don't_ know where they are." I said strongly, "Right?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and groaned a little, avoiding my gaze and staring up into the sky. He coughed and mumbled a little through random words,

"Yeah, right… well… yeah…"

My heart was racing, and I could feel my eyes stinging with tears. My jaw opened and I stared at him in fear.

"Oh my god." I said, stunned. "Oh my god, you _know_!"

I sat on my knees and I grabbed Dally's arm.

"You know! I can see it in your face, you _know where they are_!"

"SHHHH!" He hushed me, "Keep it down, alright, jeez!"

"Where are they? Oh my god, Dally, are they okay?! Please Dally, you have to tell me where they are! We need to bring them back _home_!"

"Shhhh Bee, jeezus, do you want the whole neighborhood to know?! They'll haul me back in again alright? Look, listen, they're fine, I promise you they're alright, okay?"

He grabbed a hold of my shoulders and I could see the anger and threat in his eyes,

"And you better not tell anyone that I know where they are, alright?"

"Where are they?! Please Dally, please tell me."

"No. I told them I wouldn't tell anyone."

My voice cracked with desperation,

"Please Dally, you have to take me there! _Please_ take me… I need to see him!"

I said it without even thinking about it. Dally gave me a look that was both pity and sadness in one. Did _he_ know about how I felt about Johnny? I had never personally told him, but everyone seemed to be figuring it out pretty well on their own, so it was very possible that Dally knew too. Through this entire mess I almost didn't care anymore who knew or not, I just wanted to know that Johnny was safe. My heart hurt to think of him and Pony hiding out alone somewhere with no one to confide in. They must be so _scared_! Dally addressed my panic by wrapping his arms around me and hugging me hard.

"Listen kid, I told them I'd keep it a secret. I'm not taking you. But listen to me-"

He parted the hug and held onto my shoulders, and he looked me straight in the eyes,

"I'll bring him home safe, for you Bee. I promise."

There was a pain in Dally's eyes that I could not place as he looked at me.

"Why are you doing this for me, Dal?" I asked quietly.

He narrowed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair again, and spoke just as quietly,

"I just know how badly you wanna see him again, that's all." He paused, "You really miss him, don't you?"

I nodded sadly. We sat in silence for a few moments and I watched Dally's face. He put on sunglasses and was frowning at the sky, grinding his teeth. He looked distracted and worried. I wondered what was on his mind. Did he miss someone wanting to see him? After he dumped Sylvia when he found out she cheated on him, did he sometimes miss her?

"Dal… do you miss Sylvia?"

He groaned, not ever being one who liked to talk about feelings, and he tore the sunglasses off his face in a swift movement.

"Nah," He said, "I don't miss her. I probably never shoulda gone with her anyway…"

"Why not?" I asked.

He looked at me then for a few moments with that expression I could not place. Then he shook his head.

"Whatever, man. I guess I just didn't really like her all that much… who cares. It's cool."

He promptly dropped the subject, and once again he lowered his voice,

"Look Bee… they'll be home in the next few days, I'm going up to check on them soon. They'll be alright, I swear to ya, Bee."

I nodded slowly as Dally stood up and began to walk away. I called out after him,

"Dally?"

"What?"

"When you see Pony and Johnny… tell 'em I miss them."

He put his sunglasses back on and put his hands in his pockets, walking backwards.

"Will do, Bee. I will."

 **Hope it was alright! I'll do my best to update again soon!**


	16. The Revelation

**Alrighty folks, I've got a nice big longgg chapter here for you to make up for being away for that while. I packed a lot into this chapter, so I hope you enjoy it!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

I remember feeling so empty without them around… were they okay? Where were they? As promised, Dally did bring them home… but not in the peaceful way we had all hoped for. Soda came knocking at my door after a chaotic night and told me that Pony and Johnny were home… but it wasn't good. They had been hiding out in a place called Windrixville, in an old abandoned church, and they had gotten pretty banged up saving a bunch of kids when the church had caught fire. Johnny especially. He was in the hospital, and so was Dally. I was so stressed and frightened I don't think I ate anything for two days. When I finally got to see Ponyboy again I hugged him so tight and I swear I didn't let go for about ten minutes straight. A day or two passed and I went to go see the boys in the hospital… it didn't make me feel better about them being home, it made me feel much, much worse. How could things have gotten so terrible? Dally at least was acting like himself… although you could see the worry he felt for Johnny, no matter how hard he tried to cover it up. When I saw Johnny, he was falling asleep, so when we spoke he sounded quieter than normal, and exhausted. Even so, he smiled when he saw that I was there to see him, and I had to fight against everything inside me not to cry.

"Oh Johnny… I was so scared for you." I said.

"It's okay Bee… please, don't be sad for me."

That was it. The tears began to fall down my cheeks, but I fought hard to stay composed. Johnny didn't need to see me crying over how terrible he looked, or how grim this situation was. He needed me to be strong. I just couldn't _help_ it though! I loved him so much, and sitting there unable to help him was unbearable. My voice shook,

"I know Johnny, I just… I can't help it… I don't know what I'd do without you!"

I leaned over and tried to hug him, but it was impossible. So I rested my head on his shoulder and we looked at each other's eyes through the mirror under his hospital bed. His eyes were blinking slowly with oncoming sleep, and a moment later a nurse came in and told me that visiting hours were over. I nodded solemnly and squeezed Johnny's shoulder again.

"Come back and see me soon?" He asked.

My heart swelled and I felt my cheeks burning as I smiled in the doorway.

"Of course, Johnny."

The next night was the rumble. I remember how hard I tried to be a part of it to help out my friends, even though I couldn't fight well. Besides, Darry refused to let me anywhere near it; especially since he was already risking it by letting Ponyboy join in. I told them that when it was all over they _had_ to come and tell me how it all went down, and let me know that everyone was alright.

Not knowing where else to go, and not wanting to be alone with all my thoughts, I went home. Like I said though, that night was when I ended up in a terrible fight with my father, and after he had gone to bed I sat alone in my room and paced around. I was too nervous, scared about all that was going on, and feeling like I couldn't control any of it. My stomach was aching terribly with hunger having not eaten much of anything for days, but I couldn't think of eating anything now. I crawled under my bed and pulled out the bottle of rum that I had hidden there and I began to slowly sip at it straight from the bottle to try and calm myself down.

I thought a lot about Johnny. After all this time keeping my secret from him, I knew I couldn't wait much longer. _I think I finally need to tell him…_ I thought. The next day. I was going to see him the next day, and that was when I would tell him. A small smile curled at my lips as I felt a sort of relief that I was finally ready to tell him how I really felt about him. It would be alright. I would tell Johnny I loved him, he would get out of the hospital soon and get better, Pony was back with his brothers and they would all get along again, everything would be okay…

It took hours before I heard the footsteps outside my house. I hadn't slept; there was no way I could sleep. Where _were_ they?! There's no way the rumble would have gone on this long! Why were they taking so long? Did they win the rumble and start celebrating, and forget to come and see me? There was _absolutely_ no way I could have imagined all that had happened in those hours after I left the Curtis house before the rumble. When I heard them outside it was nearly 1:00am, I quickly ran downstairs to the door, opened the screen and got out onto the porch.

There they stood on my lawn… Darry, Ponyboy, Sodapop, Steve, and Two-Bit…

"Geez louise, what the hell _happened_ to you guys?! I didn't want to fall asleep because I was so scared something terrible happened… what happened at the rumble, did you guys win? Is everybody alright? Where's…" Suddenly I felt it. Something was terribly wrong. Pony looked near tears, and everyone else was so solemn… "Where's Dally?"

"Bee… something… something really awful happened." Darry said.

They all looked like they had been crying. It scared me to death.

"Ponyboy, are you okay?"

I walked slowly down to him, and pulled him into a hug. He didn't seem able to talk at all. His eyes were swollen from being beat up in the rumble, I could tell. But it was also tears, I knew it… he tried to say something, but he only made a few incoherent sounds before turning away. Soda put his arm around his little brother, and hugged him tight. I back up again towards the wooden stairs to the house. My heart was as heavy as a million pounds. Steve was speechless. Two-Bit and Darry were looking at each other, like they didn't know who should speak.

"What's going on guys, you're scaring me…" I said, my voice cracking.

Darry came to me and it took a lot for him to tell me the terrible truth,

"Bee… its Johnny…"

"Oh god-" My hand shot to my mouth and I closed my eyes tight. No. It couldn't be. No, not when I wasn't there to be with him! No! "Darry please, no…"

"He's gone, princess…"

I was going to tell him how I really felt… but now I would never have the chance.

I broke. I broke so deep and so solidly that I could barely respond. A long, slow, quiet wail escaped from my lips. It was a horrible and despondent sound. I felt my knees shaking, and I took a hold of the wooden railing.

"No, Darry… no, no, no!..."

Soda came running and he put his arm around my shoulders and rubbed hard. He whispered quick and soft words to try and comfort me… _It's okay Bria it'll be alright I know I know Shh Shh come on now come on princess…_ but it was no use. This wasn't the end of the news. I asked again,

"Please, where's Dally? Someone please tell me he's alright!"

There was silence again, until Two-Bit took a breath and stepped forward to speak.

"Dally… he lost it when Johnny…" He couldn't say the truth, not yet. "Him and Pony were there telling him that we won the rumble… he lost it and ran… held up a store… there were cops chasing him, he called us and we tried to get to him! But he… Dal got shot, Bee…"

"Is he okay?!" I said, hysterical.

"We don't know." Said Darry, "They're takin him to the hospital, and they won't let us in to see him, not for a few days."

"Is he dead?!"

"We don't know…" Darry said, trailing off again.

I don't remember much after that. The rest of the night is a complete blur of crying, sobbing, hugging… so much pain, and so much effort to try and make it all go away…

None of us heard anything about Dally for three days until we all went to the hospital and demanded to know how he was. They told us that he was indeed alive, and the relief was unparalleled. To think we had almost lost them both! When we finally got to go in and see him, he was doing alright. Pretty tired and very sore, but otherwise alright. He had been shot, but none of the shots had been fatal, and he had gotten to the hospital in time to be saved. It was almost a surprise… a grease like Dallas Winston… most people would have thought it would be doing the neighborhood a favour if Dallas had been killed that night, but no one knew Dallas like we did. Johnny's death hit him like nothing else had in his whole life; and he had been through some tough things. Dally wanted to be dead that night to be with Johnny, but for once Dally didn't get what he wanted. Instead of being bitter and resentful and anger, he seemed to be taking the situation very seriously. We all talked to him, and stayed with him as often as we could while he recovered in the hospital, and after he was let out he just wasn't quite the same.

He seemed quiet, and listened more than he usually did. It wasn't even getting shot that impacted Dally the most, it was more the fact that he was alive after he wanted to be dead, and he had to figure out how he felt about life. I'm still not sure he's figured it out, but I'm no help in that department at all. It took a long time before Dally was back to his usual self… this was after the trial that determined the Curtis boys would remain together under the same roof, and that Ponyboy was innocent. This was after we discovered that Cherry wasn't so very pure and she no longer talked to us very often, if at all. Ponyboy had started his second year at high school and his grades were slowly picking back up. Sodapop and Steve were still at the DX and working long hours, and Darry still roofed houses. Two-Bit had gone out and gotten himself a job at some restaurant if only to keep himself busy. The only one who never seemed to come completely back around… was me.

It hurt so much to remember everything like that. I was still standing in the corner of the kitchen in the Curtis house with my arms crossed. Dally was still staring at me with daggers in his eyes that burned with anger and a terrible concern. He was right about everything and I knew it… about how I had dropped nearly 20 pounds since Johnny died, and how I was destroying myself. He was thinking hard about something, and he let out a loud groan and swore under his breath a few times.

"Look, I just… Bria, I gotta tell you something."

"What?!"

Dally looked a way I had never seen him before. He was the kind of person who never felt uncomfortable about what he had to say. He would always speak his mind, and those who didn't like what he said could go and fuck themselves. But right now he looked like he wasn't prepared… wasn't ready to say what he wanted to, and that made me more uncomfortable than ever. He said,

"Look, I know how you feel, I do!"

"No you _don't_ Dal!" I said, "You _don't_!"

"Will you just fuckin listen to me?! Look, I KNOW how you feel because… for so long… for _so_ long I just had to stand there and watch while you… you loved him so much, Christ Bria, everyone knew it… And I just had to sit there and watch meanwhile all the time, I… I-"

"Dal, stop."

I wasn't kidding. I had a feeling of what he was going to say, but I was not mentally stable to hear it. I was not ready to imagine that… I turned away from him with my eyes burning with tears, but he continued,

"I have to tell you now Bee, Christ, I can't just let this go, not after this whole conversation, not after watching you nearly kill yourself all this time after he died! Bria, all this time I-"

"Stop! No, don't _do this to me, Dal!_ " I begged.

Now that I thought about it, I could even remember a time when he had let his guard down and let his true feelings show, if only for a moment… when Johnny and Pony had run to Windrixville and I begged him to tell me where they were… the way he looked at me with that look in his eyes I couldn't place. When he told me that he would bring Johnny home for me… it was because he wanted to make sure I was happy. All the time I had spent with Dally, and all the ways he would protect me in his own aggressive way… it was because he loved me, and had to keep it all inside because he knew I loved Johnny.

Dallas Winston always got what he wanted. Maybe he wanted me… but he loved Johnny too much to ever try and make a move for me. I could see in his eyes how badly he wanted to tell me the truth, but he could also see how terribly hard it would be for me to hear at that moment. So instead of speaking words, he simply came to me and pulled me into his chest, holding onto me tightly. We stood like that in silence for a few long moments, and I felt my heart beating quickly in my chest. I felt so guilty… so very guilty. Because I knew that Dallas Winston had grown to love me too.

 **AHHH. Okay I hope you guys liked that, pleaseeee let me know what you think! :)**


	17. Father and Daughter

**Multiple updates today, I'm on a roll! :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any character from S.E Hinton's novel.**

There was a part of me that perhaps liked Dally back the way he must have felt about me, but I could never face it. Not when Johnny was alive, but even more so after he had died. We were disturbed when we heard the sound of the door opening and a bunch of voices flooding in. It was the gang, and they made their way to the kitchen with Pony and Soda in the lead, and they froze when they saw Dally and I in our embrace. Right away their faces changed to looks of concern. They knew immediately that something wasn't okay.

"Bee? Dal?" Pony said.

"Holy smokes, everything alright?" Soda asked.

Dal didn't let go of me. Neither one of us even looked towards the gang. Suddenly I felt too overwhelmed. I needed to go. I needed to leave. I needed a drink. I needed twelve drinks. I needed a cigarette. I needed to leave. I began to flail and tried to get away, even though I knew that there was nowhere I could go since Dally wasn't going to let go of me. The gang was blocking the kitchen anyway and they wouldn't let me go without an explanation. Without thinking during my panic I had shoved myself off of Dally and my arm had scraped against his side, pulling the tied up bandana around my wrist down and tearing open one of my scars. This wasn't any old scar though; this was a recent one, and it was a biggie. I didn't even feel the pain, nor feel the slowly oozing wetness of the blood until Two-Bit stepped forward and said,

"Bee, what's wrong with your arm?!"

It was all extremely chaotic after that. Everyone was talking over everyone else trying to figure out what Dally and I had been talking about, and why my arm was bleeding, and Oh my GOD Bee that cut is so DEEP WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! They were trying to figure out when I did it, whether it was infected, how much more I had hurt myself since the last time I had revealed this tragic little secret. I could not hear anything clearly, it was all blending together in a loud and stressful mess, and I had begun to cry and breathe very quickly. Darry eventually fought his way through everyone and he took a gentle hold of my shoulders while everyone else continued to talk loudly amongst each other. He gently took my arm and looked at the injury, and he said to me,

"Bee, sweetheart, we have to take you to a hospital."

"No!" I sobbed, "Darry no, please, I'm _fine_!"

"Bee, come on now look at this, this needs to be treated, it needs stitches! It could get really infected, Bee, we don't want that! You coulda bled to death from this, Bee…"

I knew that, and maybe when I had hurt myself that had been my intention, but I could never say that here in front of the people I loved most. Darry called out to Sodapop,

"Soda, get the truck ready, we're taking Bee to the hospital."

He nodded and went to go outside, but when I let out another desperate sob, Soda turned back around and came over to me, cupping one hand around my tear-stained cheek,

"Everything's gonna be okay Bee," He kissed my forehead, "come on pumpkin, please?"

Soda's beautiful eyes were brimming with tears, and my heart could barely stand it. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his for a moment before he gave me another squeeze and then went outside to start the truck. Steve had followed him. Darry and Dallas were standing in the corner of the kitchen talking very quickly to each other about what they were going to do, and what Dally and I had been talking about. Ponyboy came over to me and he was wiping tears off of his face. Again my heart was overpowered by feelings of guilt.

"Ponyboy, please don't cry!" I begged, "I'm so _sorry_!"

"We love you, Bee…" He stated, like it was the only thing right now that would make a difference, "I love you Bee, we wouldn't be the same without you… we can't lose you too…"

"Oh Pony, _please_!" We hugged each other tight, "You ain't gonna lose me, I'm not dying!"

But I knew that wasn't the point. Deep down I knew that wasn't the point at all, the point was that I _could_ have died when I had hurt myself so harshly, or I _could_ die from alcohol poisoning if I chose to drink too much one night when I was too upset, or I _could_ die from the malnourishment my body suffered when I refused to eat for days on end. All these things that the gang had tried to help me with, and I had only ever flat out ignored them, denied their allegations, or lied about my conditions. Darry came forward again and took Pony's shoulder and gave him a quick squeeze,

"Come on now Pony, stop your crying."

Soda had come and wrapped his arm around Pony and was leading him towards the truck. I was feeling incredibly light headed from breathing so heavily, and I looked like I had just stepped out of a horror movie since the blood was all up my arm now, and some of it was on my face from when I had wiped my tears.

"Darry… Darry…" I whispered.

"What is it, princess?" He said softly.

"I think I'm gonna fall over…"

So he picked me up in his big strong arms without a moment's hesitation, and he carried me out to the truck where everyone was piled in the bed waiting. In my state of delirium I began to say things,

"I miss Johnny."

"I know, princess."

"Dally? Where's Dally?"

"He's in the back of the truck, sweetpea."

"I'm sorry Dal…" I whispered, and then said louder, "I'm _sorry_!"

Darry had placed me into the truck and I was resting on Sodapop's lap. Darry hopped into the driver's seat and took off with everyone else in the truck bed. I don't remember a whole lot after that except succumbing to hysterical tears again on the way to the hospital, Sodapop trying to stop my wrist from bleeding, and the two of them saying again and again that it would be okay. When we arrived I was helped out of the truck by the gang, and Darry took me in his arms again and carried me inside where we waited until a doctor came and told Darry to put me on a stretcher. I was petrified and started screaming and crying for them all to stay with me, for Johnny, even for my father… but everything soon went black as the doctor put me to sleep.

I awoke the next morning in a hospital bed, dressed in one of those paper gowns, and I had an IV in my arm. My wrist was covered in bandages and it was throbbing with pain from the stitches. The blinds on the window were open, and the sun was shining through, and for a moment I was transfixed by the blue sky outside and the sound of birds through the open window. The sound of someone clearing their throat in the room nearly made me jump out of my skin, and I looked over to see who it was.

I was shocked to see that it was my father.

He didn't smell like booze. It looked like he had actually taken a bath. He had on a clean shirt, and he was sitting and looking at me like he was afraid to speak. I felt angry, betrayed, and furious that he was the person who I saw when I woke up and not one of the gang who had cared enough to bring me here. I frowned deeply and I looked back out the window. I heard the deep breath my father took, and it sounded shaky.

"Bria, look… I know you're mad at me, and you have every right in the world to be, I know… I know I ain't seen a lot of you lately, or done a lot of talkin with you lately, but that's gonna change."

"Yeah right!" I said, looking back at him, "What are you even _doing_ here?! Where's Darry, or Soda, or _anyone_ other than you?!"

I knew I would start to cry. It really destroyed me; the amount of crying that I had been doing lately. I looked back towards the window, but my father continued to speak.

"That young fella… Darry, is that his name? Well he's the reason that I'm here Bria, see… after they brought you here he musta left and came to the house banging on the door louder than anything I ever heard. And he gave me one helleva speech about how you had been feeling, and what you had been doin, and he told me that if I didn't come down to the hospital right away he was gonna call the cops. Man, he ain't afraid of nothing, that kid, is he?"

 _Yeah, nothing except losing the ones he loves…_ I thought. I knew that included me, and again I felt a surge of guilt for having done what I did. When my father was silent for a few moments, I was even more shocked when he brought his hands up to his face to stop himself from crying. I was almost scared. I had never seen him like this, not since mom had died.

"Dad?" I said, barely in a whisper.

"Jeez Bria… I coulda lost you like your mother… I couldn't believe what that Darry kid was telling me about what kinda stuff you'd been doing to yourself, and why they'd brought ya here… I just, I wish I could tell you that you coulda came to me, but I know I wasn't there for you…"

He was tearing himself apart, I could hear it in his voice. I didn't know how to feel. I was still angry, still upset that he had never been there, but so devastated now that we were both in the same room after so long and seeing how truly broken we really were. Also, we were seeing how much we hated it, and how much it destroyed us. Tears fell from my eyes and splashed onto my paper gown, and I reached up and wiped them away with the IV stuck in my hand.

"You _weren't_ there for me dad!" I cried, "I wanted you to be, and eventually I _hated_ that I wanted you to be, because I just wanted to be tough and take care of myself! I just-"

"But no, Bria… no, a daddy is always supposed to look after his little girl…" His voice cracked again, "And it's like I'm looking at you now for the first time in ages, and I hardly recognize you…"

My hands completely covered my face now and I cried silently. Still my dad kept talking,

"Look now, I called the social services myself and told them that we needed help… the two of us as a family, and you with your mental health and wellness. There's gonna be a lady comin 'round every coupla weeks to make sure we're getting on alright. I've been talkin with the doctors here and they said they're gonna set you up with a counsellor to talk to about these… these urges to hurt yourself."

"What about you?! And your problems with the booze, dad?!" I said angrily.

"Now I know I deserve that, but you listen I'm gonna look into AA programs around here and I'm gonna go in for help. Now, I know you can't, but you gotta promise me you'll stop your drinkin too, this is something we're gonna have to work on together, okay?"

It was like my whole world was flipping upside down. Was I really here in the hospital, with my dad all clean and crying telling me that we were going to change? Was he really saying that we were going to be one happy family again? It was impossible to believe, and I had to let him know that.

"I don't know if I believe you, dad…" I said, and he nodded, "I'm still so angry at you."

"And I expect you to be… although that kills me to admit, but I'm sure it'll be real hard for you to get back to trustin me again… I really screwed up, didn't I, Bri?"

My eyes travelled over the IV in my hand and the bandages on my wrist, the hospital room.

"You and I both." I whispered.

My father stood up and awkwardly edged his way towards the bed, and he said,

"Look, I can't promise you this is gonna be easy for either of us… but we can do this, we can change… I wanna have my little girl back, and I wanna be there for her, and I'll promise you I'll try my hardest… can you at least believe that?"

There were no words at my lips, but I looked at him in the eyes for the first time in so long. Awkwardly he reached forward, and I knew he wanted to hug me, and I knew I would have to try. So my thin arms reached out and wrapped around him as best I could from the bed, and we hugged for the first time in forever. I had begun to sob against his shoulder. There was a gentle knock at the door, and we parted to see that it was Darry waiting to come in to visit. I gave a small smile, and resumed wiping my eyes frantically with my hands. My father said,

"I'll be back to see you later, before visiting hours are over. I love you, Bri…" He looked towards Darry, and gave an approving nod, which Darry cautiously returned, "Looks like you got yourself some pretty great friends."

 **I can't believe I'm almost done this story… like, what am I going to do when I'm done?! Haha Anyway, review if you wish! :) Next chapter comin real soon (like, probably later today).**


	18. Still Lots Of Good

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders, any character, or the lines quoted from Johnny's letter from S.E. Hinton's novel.**

My father turned and left the room, and he closed the door behind him. Darry turned to me and smiled, while throwing his thumb over his shoulder,

"Have a good talk with him?"

I shrugged my shoulders, still unsure of how to feel.

"I don't know… it's a lot to take in." I admitted.

He came over and hugged me tightly,

"How are you holding up, kiddo?"

Darry pulled the chair up close to the bed and he sat down, holding onto my hand with the IV. He looked glad to see me, thankful that I was alright, but there was a seriousness in his eyes that you could never miss when it was there, and it was there right now clear as day.

"I'm fine, I guess… I'm sorry for all the damn trouble I've caused everyone-"

That was what sparked the serious talking to from Darry.

"Now look Bee, you gotta stop _apologizing_ for everything! You've gotta stop bringing yourself down and apologizing for causing trouble, it ain't trouble if we want to help you, Bee! You've gotta stop apologizing for being yourself, for being _alive_ , Bria! You think you've caused us _trouble_?! We love you to the moon and back, Bee, and it ain't no 'trouble' to look out for your friends."

I didn't think there was very much for me to say, and I knew that Darry had a lot on his mind so I stayed quiet and let him say what he needed to.

"Look Bria, when Johnny died, it was real tough at home. I admit I didn't handle things perfectly, you and Pony are alike in the way that you're a lot more sensitive than I am and sometimes that's a gift and a curse. Pony was a mess too, and I was pretty tough on him. I never wanted to hurt his feelings, or make him feel bad, I only ever did what I did I loved him and wanted to help him feel better again. You don't stop living when you lose somebody, that's what I told him…"

He reached out and took my hand.

"It's the same for you, Bee. I don't say these things to make you feel guilty, or upset, I'm telling you because it's the truth. You're destroying yourself, and you've gotta stop it! You might feel like you're alone, but you know you're not, and we'll do all we can to help you. I know it sounds impossible, but it'll get better again, I swear. But Bee, you have to be willing to allow it to get better."

I knew what he was saying, and he was right, it did seem impossible. For a moment I saw my reflection in the hospital window and I noticed just how small and fragile and sad I looked, and I was almost surprised. Was this how I really looked all the time? Seeing me like this must be just as hard as seeing Johnny laying on that hospital bed… I took a deep breath and spoke,

"I don't want to be like this forever, Darry…"

He squeezed my hand and said,

"I know, kiddo. It'll be tough, but don't you ever forget who's here for you, alright?"

He winked at me and smiled, and a warm feeling spread through me. I felt so grateful and I smiled back.

"Who else is here?" I asked, suddenly wanting very much to see everyone.

"I think Dally is comin' in next." Darry said.

I was suddenly very nervous when he said that. Dally… after all we had talked about, and what he had revealed… how was he feeling about me now after all the times he had tried to help me and I threw his good intentions back in his face? I bit my lip and said,

"He's really mad at me, isn't he?"

"No princess, he ain't mad at you…"

"Come on Darry," I said, half smirking, "yes he is. It's Dally, after all."

"Alright, so he's probably mad at you, but you know what? He loves you too, just remember what I said, anything he says is because he cares, not because he wants to hurt you, you know that right?"

"I guess so…"

Darry leaned over the hospital bed and hugged me tight. I waved as he left the room, and not even a minute later Dally came walking in and he shut the door behind him. I felt almost afraid, and I couldn't bring myself to look at him just yet. Guilt pulsated through me. Dally did not sit down.

"So…" He said, "you're gonna be fine, huh?"

He sounded bitter, and my heart panged with hurt even though I knew he didn't intend to sound mean. I nodded, and made myself look at him. It was a surprise when I felt a great relief to see his face. I hadn't realized how much I wanted to see it again even though I had just seen him the previous day. He was pacing a few steps around looking at things in the hospital room, and when he looked at me and our eyes met, he suddenly broken down and flopped into the chair next to the bed. He had his head in his hands, and he swore,

"Jeez… fuckin Christ Bee, it's like seeing Johnny in the hospital all over again!" He said.

It was the same now as it was with Darry, I felt like it was best to just let Dally say what he needed to say. I owed him that much now after yesterday. He went on,

"Listen man, you know when I was in here after I got shot that night… you know, because I wanted…. I wanted to be dead, Bee, because Johnny was dead, and I loved that kid more than anything. Do you… I mean, do you want to be dead, Bee?"

It was a hard question to answer. I hated who I had become and I hated how life was so hard for us, and the more I drank and the bigger a mess I became, the more I sometimes thought about dying. I did… but I didn't either. I really did… but then I saw the greasers and thought about how much I loved them and they were the reason I tried to hold on. I shrugged my shoulder.

"I don't know… sometimes I do, I guess." I admitted, "I mean, I told you guys that the first time you ever found out I cut myself."

"Well jeez Bria, look, you just _can't_ kill yourself, alright?! You can't because we've already lost Johnny, and if we lost you too… jeezus Christ!"

He was so flustered and lost for words, and I felt guilty for having caused him such grief. I was just about to apologize, but then I remembered Darry telling me I had to stop apologizing for being alive, and I knew if I did Dally would get much angrier than Darry did. I stayed quiet again because I could see how much more Dally wanted to say,

"I didn't know what to do when Johnny died, but after being in here and getting better, I mean, it was tough and I had to work hard but eventually I knew it was better staying here. Being here with the gang was enough to help me get through tough times… and you were a big part of that, Bria."

"Dally…" I had to ask him, "I know I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world for asking you this after I lost my chance to tell Johnny, but why didn't you ever tell me that you liked me?"

"Because I knew you loved Johnny. Look… I only went with Sylvia because I knew you liked Johnny and wouldn't even think of going with me. You remember when they got in trouble and had to go to Windrixville, and you were so scared and begged me to tell you where they were?"

I nodded.

"Well, seeing you like that made me sad because Sylvia… dammit, Sylvia never gave a shit about _me_ like that! And it was so stupid because I loved you kid, but I loved Johnny too, so there was no way I could ever try anything."

"Oh Dal…" I said, "I'm sorry that Sylvia never gave a shit about you like that, just… dammit, you were right."

"What?" He said, smirking a little.

"You were _right_!" I said, gently hitting him, "I guess you really did know how I felt…"

"So… I mean," He fidgeted nervously again, "what do you think? Now that you know, I mean?"

"Look Dal," I said honestly, "I don't know what I feel right now. I mean, I really like you too Dally, but I've got so much other shit on my mind I don't think I'm ready to think about that kinda thing yet… you dig?"

He nodded and was surprisingly understanding,

"Yeah… I gotchya. I guess I better get outta here, Ponyboy wants to come in and see you."

"Oh Dal."

I reached out and we hugged very close. I did my best to feel every moment. His hands pressing warmly against my back as he squeezed tighter, his cheek pressed against mine, and the way that he smelled. How did I really feel about Dallas Winston? Could I end up loving him back the way he loved me? It was another thing I would have to put on my ever growing list of things I needed to work on figuring out. Before he let go completely, he pressed his lips gently against my cheek and kissed me goodbye. I blushed hard, but I decided not to try and hide it.

"I'll see ya soon, princess." Dally waved.

"Yeah… see ya soon, Dal." And I genuinely hoped so.

Pony did indeed come in after Dally had left the room, and he gave me a big hug.

"How are ya doing, Bee?"

"I'm okay Pony…" I said, "I'll be fine."

He seemed uncomfortable. It honestly felt like Ponyboy was madder at me than anyone else. Johnny was his best friend, and was a mess after he died. I was his next best friend, and having to see me like this must have made him very upset and worried.

"Bee, I wanted to come here and tell you something that Johnny would have said if he was still alive… Now, Johnny was pretty quiet, but when he had something important to say he was the only one who could word it perfectly. I can't try and make up what I think Johnny would say to you, so… I just brought this instead."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the folded up letter that Johnny had left inside of the Gone with the Wind book right before he died. Pony held it out to me and I took it in my hands and unfolded it.

"I know you've already read it and all," Said Pony, "but I figured it would do just fine."

It was true, I had read it before, but it meant a lot that Pony would bring this to me. My eyes reached his and I smiled gently, feeling sorry for having worried him so much. I pulled him into a hug,

"Pony, you're the best." I said, "What would I do without ya?"

"Well let's not ever find out, okay?" He said with a laugh.

"Hey Pony, come on, we gotta get going." Darry said poking his head in the doorway.

Pony went to the door and they said goodbye again. And so I was alone once more, but this time I did not have any alcohol to stop my thoughts, I had to face them head on. The nurse brought in some dinner later that evening and I fought hard to swallow it all. It made my stomach hurt after not eating in so long, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It was what I would need to do… start taking care of myself. I was in the hospital for one more day, and when I was released my father took me home. He had cleaned up the whole house in the days I was gone, and he made dinner for us for the first time in so long. It tasted terrible, but I appreciated his effort above all else. It was awkward, and tough to be around him. Conversation was small and forced, but we were trying.

In the week that passed a worker from social services came to check in on us. I had my first appointment with a counsellor. Things were hard and exhausting; nothing was harder than making the effort to live well when you still weren't sure how much you actually wanted to live… but then I read over Johnny's note again, when he was talking about how Ponyboy liked sunsets…

 _I want you to tell Dally to look at one, he'll probably think you're crazy, but ask for me. I don't think he's ever really seen a sunset._

My eyes burned with tears and I smiled as I continued reading.

 _You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. There's still lots of good in the world. Tell Dally. I don't think he knows._

Reading these words again after going through my breakdown had an entire new meaning. When I had read these words before I read them as though they were written for Ponyboy, but he was writing them for everybody. Maybe I didn't know what I wanted to be in life just yet, but right now I would settle for _happy_. There probably is still a lot of good in the world even if I have a hard time seeing it, but that's why I need to stick with the gang, and not push them away if they try to help me. But Dally… does he know? He is still cold, and hard, and mean sometimes as he always was… but I had seen a warmer and softer side to him. Maybe… just maybe we could help each other find the good around us.

 **Oh golly guys the next chapter will be the last one. I loved writing this story and am very sad that it's the ending now. :p lol Anyway, hope you liked it! Next and final chapter coming soon!**


	19. Watching the Sunset

**Alright guys, this is it… the final chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders, or any character from S.E Hinton's novel.**

It was that hour in the evening when it's not quite day time, but not quite the night time yet either. I was sitting in the Curtis house alone. Darry was in the kitchen about to start making dinner, Sodapop was out with Steve, Ponyboy was at school late because he joined track again this year. I was trying to work on my homework, but was finding it difficult to concentrate. I had to work extra hard the last couple of weeks to try and bring my grades back up. It was working, to a degree… but I still had a long way to go. I was probably going to have to go to summer school. It didn't bother me much though, but damn, tonight I just couldn't keep my mind on my work.

There were footsteps outside and the door opened quickly and Dally stepped inside. I smiled warmly when I saw him.

"Hey Dally, how ya been?"

"Oh just swell," He smirked, "almost got into it with one of Shephard's gang this afternoon but I got out of it."

"How'd ya manage that?" I asked.

"With my wit and irresistible charm, how else do ya think?" He winked at me, with a voice heavy with sarcasm.

I shook my head and smiled, feeling my cheeks go red. It was a strange feeling letting my emotions show so openly, but I wasn't going to let another chance slip away for something like that. Surprisingly Dally had been very patient with me waiting to discuss how I felt about him, and I still hadn't gotten up the courage to really talk to him about it.

"You know, you look pretty good with some colour in your face."

He pointed at my red cheeks, and I turned away feeling sheepish. That was new. I had never been this sheepish around the gang before even during out silliest of moments. He reached out and poked my cheek to tease me, and I shoved his hand away laughing.

"Shut up Dal!"

We play fought for a few moments on the couch before Darry yelled from the kitchen,

"Hey, take it easy in there, will ya?!"

"Ahhh cool it Darry!" Dally shouted back with a laugh. "I'm winning anyway!"

We stopped, and Dally rested his arm around my shoulder and we both sat on the couch in silence watching the Mickey Mouse cartoon that was on the television. My mind started traveling back to Johnny's letter, and an idea dawned on me.

"Hey Dally?"

"Yeah?"

"You saw the note that Johnny wrote to Pony before he died, right?"

"Yeah, of course I did, what about it?"

"Well… did you do what he asked? Did you ever go watch a sunset?"

Dally was silent for a moment, and when he answered he sounded almost guilty,

"No. No, I didn't."

"Well….. do you wanna go watch one, with me?"

It was an odd request. Dally had never been big on that stuff like Ponyboy and Johnny were, and I certainly had never done anything like this was Dally before, but it was something I really wanted him to do with me. Part of it was because I knew that Johnny wanted him to, and I wanted to help fulfill that wish. Another part of me was ready to try and talk about how I felt about Dally, and there was no better time than now. Dally shook his head in a way that showed he clearly thought there were more exciting things to do, but his desire to make me happy convinced him otherwise and he nodded,

"Sure princess, let's go."

I called out to Darry that we'd be back soon, and we set off towards the vacant lot. Neither one of us said much, we just walked together and sat down in the grass and watched the huge gold sun slowly making its way down through the trees as the world got a bit darker around us.

"Dal… I wanna talk now."

"Oh yeah?" He said, not sounding eager, but curious.

I felt nervous. My hands began to fidget and I felt like there was a rock in the pit of my stomach. There was a sense of guilt in what I was about to admit, although I wasn't sure how to deal with it.

"Look… I like you too, Dally. I do. I thought about it, and I do like you, a lot…"

"There's a 'but' coming though, isn't there?" Dally asked.

"Yeah…" I hugged my knees to my chest and watched the sunset while I spoke, "I just keep _thinking_ about him, Dally! And how I never got to tell him how I felt, so I never really got to know how he woulda felt about it… I never got to know whether or not he liked me like that too. I mean if he was still alive, and if he _did_ like me, do you think he'd be mad?"

"Do I think Johnny would be mad if we started going together?" Dally clarified.

I nodded nervously, hoping it didn't sound like a stupid question.

"I just feel guilty for some reason, like, not knowing whether or not he woulda been upset if we started going together. Johnny worshipped you Dal, I just wish I knew what he woulda thought…"

We were silent again for a few moments as Dally thought about the question I had asked. I felt more stupid and embarrassed as the moments passed, thinking that maybe this wasn't the best idea in the end. When Dally spoke there was no sarcasm, and no anger, only his honest thoughts,

"Well you know Bee, I don't know. I have no idea, but the thing is I guess we're _never_ gonna know. I _do_ know that Johnny would never want you to be hurtin' yourself like you been doin' since he died. I just…" He had lost his words, "come here, princess."

We embraced each other. It didn't matter that Dally had become lost for words, because I understood exactly what he meant. He was trying to get it across that even though we would never forget him, and we would always love him, we had to find a way to put him to rest in our minds. That we couldn't go on the rest of our days wondering 'what if?' and letting those old worries rule over the decisions we made now. I loved Johnny… but he was gone, and I needed to accept that down to my core. It wouldn't mean I was forgetting him, or letting him go completely; I would _always_ remember Johnny. It just meant I would be able to move on, and that was exactly what I needed to start doing.

We turned back and watched the rest of the sunset in silence, and I felt Dally's hand creep through the grass and take hold of mine. I let him, and I smiled. Just before the sun had disappeared below the skyline and the streetlights began to come on, I looked over at Dally's face. He looked so… content with the gold glow on his face, lighting up his eyes, softening his features.

"Well….. look at you, Dally." I smirked, "You ol' softie. You're face looks good with some colour in it too, ya know?"

He shoved my shoulder then and said,

"Shut _up…_ "

But he knew I was right. And I was glad. I hoped with all my heart that we both would realize that there was still good in the world, and that we could be a part of that. I was ready to try and take on whatever came our way. When it rains, it really pours… but when the sun comes out after the storm… well damn, it's like a whole new world.

THE END.

 **AHHH I'm so sad, I loved writing this story so much I didn't want to end it! But I really do hope I provided a satisfying ending, and I hope you all enjoyed reading my story! Please please read and review, now that the story is complete, feedback is greatly appreciated. :)**


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